Oct 17, 2021
So anxiety went off the rails and I ran away to Iowa, then Minnesota, then Texas before landing back in Arizona. I started an anxiety journal that I haven't updated in forever. And things are generally a mess. I had a dream awhile back that pretty much served as a replay of events. Feel in love with a chick despite her faults, she used me for her own ends, then I wound up living in a place where I wasn't wanted. I don't know if the real life parallel was fully malicious or just a bit crazy but in the end I don't know if it matters.
Slowly I'm starting to crawl my way out of the hole I've dug for myself but it's a process. I don't know how long I'm gonna stay this time. I know I need to get myself together but patience isn't a virtue I've been blessed with.
I've made some good strides mentally I think. Unfortunately they don't come easy. The main theme seems to be that I need to stop trying to have a nice life and start accepting that to get anywhere in life things are gonna have to be pretty terrible, probably forever, sort of a "no pain, no gain" type situation. To be honest it's a pretty hard outlook to get behind, motivation is a struggle but that's just how it is I suppose.
all_winters_eve · Mon Oct 18, 2021 @ 03:02am · 0 Comments |