WARNING! This may be a tad too 'emo' for you! D: If you don't like it, then shoo!
Well, today I had therapy. It was pretty lame, but whatever.
We talk some more about how I can usually detect when someone is annoyed with me or even hates me, even though I tend to be wrong in certain cases.
She eventually asked me one of those difficult questions that you can never answer even if your life depended on it. She said "I know this is going to sound odd, but what is sadness to you? If you always felt that constant feeling for so long, how do you know it's sadness? How do you know it's not something else?"
:/ Questions like those give me low selfisteme.
I felt really stupid. I didn't know what to say. It was such a difficult question. What is saddness? Saddness for me is...
The feeling like you're drowning on the inside in your own frustrations and emotions and unlike with people who have a drain that lets out the emotion and the pain, you continue to feel like there is no chance for even a gasp of air and all your breath is gone.
It's wanting to cry even if there is nothing to cry about.
It's the feeling as though you are nothing but a pathetic outcast that can only stand on the sidelines and watch the world go by.
It's when you feel a constant anger toward everyone in the world for being normal and not caring about the other who are also in pain.
In the end, sadness is like being an empty pen. You feel worthless and ashamed that you can't be of any good use, and yet you can't seem to be happy if the person still wants you around.
I tried so hard to explain it to her, and she got it in a sence, but she really wasn't getting it at all. I couldn't tell her what sadness was, no matter how good the explanation was.
I'm done for now. Goodnight.
With Love, Heather
Sunshine Heather · Thu Aug 17, 2006 @ 07:09am · 1 Comments |