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-Confucius had his Analects and I have my journal-
Invisble Tears of a Puppet..
Shell
Hollow
Empty
I've never felt so hollow and empty
I've never been so alone
But have so many people around
I've never been isolated in a crowd of companions
Where is everything inside of me?
Why am I just a shell?
I know..
I let go of everything
And now..When I want it the most
It is gone.

Moving on it is a bit hard
But you have done it a million times
But it's hard to move on to a demotion
It's hard to let go fo old emotions
But I must learn to hear your voice and not cry
And forget what happened a week ago
And focus on what you said to me 5 mintues ago.
If I must change myself to move on
I will.

It takes two to ballroom
Without one
One is left structured moving along the floor
With so much joy to dance
But no partner to show the true feel of the dance
With no audience
It hurts less
But there is always an audience
And right now..I'm dancing all alone.

No
Not those secrets
Not the words I really mean
Not the reasons I cry now
You can't reveal the saddened me
Please don't remind me
Don't remind of words I once said
Don't remind of that lost happiness
Don't remind of lost smiles
Don't remind of it all
Because I was the happiest
Then fell
And I'm still in decline
And I don't know what rock bottom feels like
But I'm still falling
And I can barely take it

Sweet sweet redemption
That inhale of hostility
And the exhale of accpetance
A rescue to myself
I've been inhaling and inhaling
And never bothered to exhale
I haven't been breathing for a long time
And I found this word
Redemption
It caught me by surprise
I saw the word rescue
And let everything go
I've learned how to breathe
Sweet sweet redemption
Thank you

What I never knew would kill me
That's how I felt 5 minutes ago
You betrayed me with no warning
You Benedict Arnold
You liar
What am I do to do now?
Forget you..Maybe
Kinda hard because I remember everyone
So, I'll accept it
Forgiveness sets me free
I finally let it go
I feel better now
Than when you made your first lie to me
I hate liars but I love happiness
Hatred or happiness
You pick

Everyone loves a lie
A lie like, I like you for your soul
A lie like, I'm okay, it's just allergies..
A lie that feels like redemptiom but is more empty
Than you already feel
Oh sweet redemption
Have I made you up?
I have redeemed myself in the past,
But why can't I now?
I know the problem
But don't know how to solve it
The pursuit of happiness
It sounds like a fools lie to me right now
I haven't lied to anyone but myself and you
You were probably the only one that could redeem me
And I am still lying..
I'm telling you I'm okay.

"I breathe deep
And cry it out"
-Amy Lee
I'll shed every tear
For every lie
I'll grieve for as long
As I ever was happy
I'll put myself down
For as much as I was put up
I'll demolsih myself
So, no one will ever tell
That I was ever brought up
I've changed
I cry myself to sleep now
I dance more
I am alone more..
You better believe I've changed
And I'm still changing
Wow..Thank-you
You've changed me forever.

Put your hand inside me
And manipulate every single word I say
With your voice and control
As I fight with all my will
To make you stop
You clutch my heart
And squeeze it
You squeeze it until all the blood has come out
Now..My heart is empty
And you still mock me
By being here
As I watch you heartlessly
I see you take out a screwdriver
To undo my screws
And now..I finally get my own voice
And say one word
"Why?"





 
 
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