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Feeling down at the moment, but I'll explain later.

Basically, I've decided to put off the Air Force idea until much later. I've found there are more important things in life than free this and that, so I'm changed my focus. It's been several months since I've moved in with my mom, and it's been decent in the amount of time I've been here - Beyond the occasional issue with my sister here and again, and the drinking problem my mom had at the start, it's been alright.

Been building on a site called LSGextras.com for my home guild, the literate spam guild, and have put together a two tools, soon to be a third. Built a photo album and quote database system, both of which are operational. Site's down at the moment, so it's impossible to see at this time, but they'll be up as soon as the site recognizes itself again [DNS problems].

Because my old blog disappeared with the site, people who read my Gaia journal [which is likely only 3 or so people] couldn't see what happened before. Basically in the time since my last entry, Alissa and I broke up some time ago due to inability to be with one another, built an occasional project, moved in with my mom, I was internetless for 4 month's time, a period of time where I did almost nothing beyond talk with a friend of mine [RO'd a lot too], then almost two months ago [12/17/06], I found Natalie.

Now for what's happened with Natalie in the time we've been together [and started dating]. She and I connected immediately and found a lot of interest in one another. We spoke all the time and fell in love within a very short period of time. She and I spoke on the phone all the time, wouldn't stop talking via YIM, had our webcams up frequently so we could see each other, etc. I promised her that I would visit her during her Spring break so we could be closer, and as the days passed since that promise, she seemed more and more on edge.

Now to why I'm feeling down. Natalie know that I love her to death, and she does to me as well - however, she tells me she was thinking about me far too much. It's interfering with her sleep, she can't focus in school, and she's overly stressed because I'm not there to fill the void that she says she's feeling in her heart. I wish I could be there right away, but because I don't have money, I don't have the means to do that. I'd get a job, but because of the timeframe, it'd be impossible for me to keep it afterwards [aside from the lack of car, that is.] Now less than an hour ago, she basically told me that she and I should take a break from each other - She wanted me off her mind so she could keep up with her personal life. I respect her decision and agreed to this to help her maintain herself.

However, and maybe it's just because I'm a paranoid person at time, I feel that there may be something she's not telling me. She had asked me to find a girl and kiss her once - I fear this may be an indication of something much worse than a time apart. I don't know - Like I said, I may just be paranoid. I love her beyond anything else, and I couldn't stand her leaving permanently. I just hope she and I are back together before April - I just don't think I'd be able to visit if she found someone else.

Edit [1:30am] She called up and called off the time apart - she said that she couldn't stop thinking. Though I'm happy that we're still together, now there's something I have to know...