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By all standards one of my position should be considered lucky. I'm born into a good, well respected family, I was not born without material means by any standard, I am treated well and have a family that I love very much - the list trails on. By all means, this should be "Lucky." If I chose to, I could spend my days doing naught but keeping up appearances and doing needlepoint.
That is a life that never once held appeal to me. I've always tried to be grateful for what I have, whether I've earned it or not, but honestly, I have always envied the others. My entire life, I've watched them go and do as they please, worked hard for every penny, but have come home to a loving and warm place where they are welcomed and celebrated. There is no great mystery, no formality or fear that one small action will begin or end a war. I see them marry for love. Their lives to me are lucky-far luckier than myself.
And now a problem blossoms up in my face and I cannot see past it. The forbidden is always so tempting, but before, I hadn't let it get to me this badly. Before everything was merely playing - how much could I get away with. Now there is...someone...a someone I had never considered before as someone I could fall in love with because he was forbidden. And now, I'm too attached. If I were to choose him over my family, there would be no return. My family is my only secure, the only ones I can ever be sure will love me in the end along with the closest of me friends (who are my family to me).
This boy, I don't know if he will be around tomorrow, or two moths from now, or 10 years from now! My family, that will always be there. And whether I like it or not, I need their love and respect more than anyone else's. You always find written stories about the two lovers that cannot be together, but do anyway despite their families because they have a hatred for them. I may hate what my family forces me to choose between, but I cannot betray them. I cannot be without their love. And if they would love me not if I were to admit my love for this boy, I would cease to exist in their eyes.
It is not fair by any account, nor is it lucky for that matter. I've been sheltered, protected, and caged. Given a lush cell with luxuries beyond imagination, but it is a cage all the same. More than once I've felt like some exotic bird that if it were to see too much of the sunlight that it loves, would burst into flames and perish. (Taking the family reputation with it, mind you).
Lucky? Who is really lucky.
((As they nearly almost do, this entree does have echoes of truth of my real life.))
Aeliara · Sun Feb 18, 2007 @ 10:52pm · 0 Comments |
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