It would seem that Natalie's moved on with her life, and is quite happy with how things are progressing. So much in fact, that she's not online as much as she used to be, and hasn't spoken to me much recently because of the amount of time she's been spending with Mick. I'm quite happy that she's got someone who loves her as much as I did, and I know he'll treat her with everything she deserves. I do love her still, but not the same anymore.
I've moved on with my life.
As of last Friday, I was looking back on some old notes from friends and my senior year girlfriend from high school and reminiscing about how much I enjoyed school, even though I didn't know it at the time. I didn't like the classes, but back in school I had friends and people in person who cared about me - It wasn't until I was out that I realized how much I lost after I graduated. I've thought about this a couple times in the past 3 years, but it wasn't until Friday that I decided I would try to make an effort to see the people I cared about so much again.
First person I tried to make contact with was my best friend for three years in high school, Tracy. Called up the high school I used to go to, as her mom worked there, and I managed to get Tracy's home phone number fairly easily... I expected I'd have to explain who I was, and why I was calling, but Tracy's mom remembered me when I mentioned my name. Later that evening, I called her up for the first time in 5 years [I spoke to her last 3 years ago, but I hadn't called since 5 years before Friday]. She and I caught up for an hour or two, and learned quite a bit. Since high school she's started college, had one serious boyfriend, has been without said boyfriend for two years, turned 20 [same birthday as me, minus a year], has coloured her hair... Oh, and she has a 1 year old son. Apparently she lost her virginity at 18, then a guy she was with convinced her to let him have sex with her without a condom. Guess what happened 8 months later? And if that's wasn't enough stress on her at the time, the guy who knocked her up disappeared for the 8 month period. He returned shortly after those 8 months, but because he had abandoned her for that time, she told him it wasn't his son to avoid having to see him anymore. Apparently since then, her parents had adopted her son to allow Tracy to keep on living her life and going to school - she'll readopt her son back in a few years when she's got her life stabilized.
After speaking for the while, she told me of tickets her school were passing out for a comedy club event going on Thusday - apparently she had three, but had no one to go with. She invited me to go, and obviously I said yes - I'd not gone anywhere in forever, so this was an opportunity to do something and catch up on old times. She'll be picking me up to go at about 7pm tonight.
After we hung up, she called again a couple hours later. She didn't have anything to do on Saturday, so she asked if I'd be available to hang out with her at the mall. Again, wanting to catch up, I agreed. The next day, we spent a couple hours just talking at the mall about basically anything, though mostly about things Tracy had gone through since I graduated [she was a year behind]. Eventually we went outside and sat on a bench because it was getting too loud inside to talk. It was about 5 minutes after we were outside that she started talking about the relationships she and I had in school, and how I was the first person she loved, etc. She had even dropped strong, obvious hints about she wanting to date me even though it was 3 years since we last saw each other. Obviously I evaded answering those hints, as I didn't know who she was anymore, but I did learn a lot.
Since then, I managed to talk with Lindsey again [we still kept in touch, but seldomly], and had the same usual discussion about recent gaming, and a bit of mention of Tracy's actions in school. I managed to get Melissa's number from Lindsey, as the number I had was no longer valid. She mentioned that Melissa had been wanting to talk to me for a while, so I decided to give her a call after I Lindsey and I finished talking.
The call to Melissa was... uncomfortable. She was the first girl I loved, and my first kiss, but topics were always minimal between she and I. Apparently that hasn't changed in the slightest. The conversation consisted mostly of blank space and small talk, and every topic I did bring up to induce talking was answered by a short answer. We didn't talk for very long, and I don't know that I'll ever hear from her again as she's moving out of state next month.
I was thinking about what was said Saturday all this week, and I decided that I will be asking Tracy out tonight. In all honesty, I'm not attracted to her at all, but she was my best friend in high school and three-time girlfriend, so I'm going to give her another chance. I'm fully aware that she has a son and that I'll likely be taking partial responsibility on myself by doing this, but I don't mind. I honestly don't have high expectations of this upcoming relationship, but it'll be nice to have human contact once again.
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It's not what it looks like, I swear.
And that just what you know
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