Two days ago, Natalie was very down because of something that had happened earlier that day - she wouldn't speak to me about it, and it wasn't until later that I figured out what it was. I won't get into what had gone on, because that's not important to this entry.
I spoke to her on the phone briefly, then figured it out what was going on [she posted it] a few minutes after we hung up. I tried to ask her to talk to Mick [her boyfriend] about what was going on - she answered with a prompt "no", and then that's when I said the wrong thing: "You'd rather keep it bottled up inside and let it fester?"
Quote:
Natalie: Shut up Adam
Me: I'm sorry ._.
Me: I really didn't mean for that to sound the way it did.
Natalie: Just stop talking to Mick and getting into my life.
Me: ...
Me: I am honestly very sorry.
Natalie: Just go away
Me: I'm sorry ._.
Me: I really didn't mean for that to sound the way it did.
Natalie: Just stop talking to Mick and getting into my life.
Me: ...
Me: I am honestly very sorry.
Natalie: Just go away
She signed off right then. Needless to say, I was hurt but I obliged to her request. I told Mick I wouldn't be talking to him any further, blocked Natalie on Gaia, AIM, and YIM, then sent her this message on Myspace:
Quote:
I screwed up. In fact, I screwed up so badly that you told me to no longer talk to Mick and go away. I just wanted to help, and I just wanted you happy because I love you. If me going away will make you happy, so be it.
I wish so badly that I hadn't said a thing. I wish I could have taken it back, and I wish I could make things right again. I can't, and I won't pretend to be able to.
My eyes are filled with tears, and my heart is gone. I thank you for your friendship, and what you taught me.
I am going to disappear from your life, as you wanted. I'll always have a place in my heart for you, and always remember what you gave me. Until I hear from you again, I shall be gone entirely.
Until we see each other again. Good bye.
~ Adam [rest of my full name here].
I wish so badly that I hadn't said a thing. I wish I could have taken it back, and I wish I could make things right again. I can't, and I won't pretend to be able to.
My eyes are filled with tears, and my heart is gone. I thank you for your friendship, and what you taught me.
I am going to disappear from your life, as you wanted. I'll always have a place in my heart for you, and always remember what you gave me. Until I hear from you again, I shall be gone entirely.
Until we see each other again. Good bye.
~ Adam [rest of my full name here].
I couldn't sleep that night.
The following day, I woke up miserable. I couldn't do anything at all, so I lurked in the LSG [guild] the entirety of the day until around 2:18pm when I noticed a trade from Natalie containing Horns of the Demon. I unblocked her and asked her what the trade was about - she told me "Happy early Birthday Adam."
Lord-of-the-flies
Neuneu
Lord-of-the-flies
Neuneu
Lord-of-the-flies
What is with this trade?
Look whats on your head.
I know. Thank you for the happy birthday, but it's a huge gift. You aren't leaving Gaia, are you?
Dunno really.
I really hope you don't.
She replied. "I felt dead this morning. I went to school as a zombie and I didn't hear anything. You mean the world to me. ..." It was at this moment that I knew I could never disappear from her; I mean so much to her, and she means everything to me - I never want to be gone from her life nor she mine.
The night before, when I thought I had lost the person I cared for the most, I had made a decision. I had decided that if she forgave me, I would stop trying to give her relationship advice when she didn't want it. I wouldn't say anything about her relationships at all unless she asked me to.
I told her this, and I intend to keep my promise. I don't want to lose her ever again.
Community Member
It sounds like a lot of hurtful words were said to eachother, some that weren't meant, but love seems to find a way to the truth, which is why I am glad you are still keeping in touch with eachother. This is romantic and tragic to read at the same time, and I can only hope that things go well for you and Natalie, whichever path that may lead the two of you.