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I know my usual thing is to make drawings and post them up here with backstory and yada yada, and it's been ages since I last did that, however, I got an idea today and decided to act upon it. Many of my friends know that there's nothing I love more than to point out stupid little things that people say without realizing it. I also heard a song a while ago that was a parody of a rap song. The "gansta" lyrics accompanied with the soft tune amused me probably more than it should have, but recently it's been on my mind, and I noticed yet again how retarded the lyrics were in the first place. So I combined my love of pointing out stupidity with my hatred for retarded songs, and came up with this little idea of pointing out the stupid things in this rap song.

I will be placing footnote markers with every line I find fault in, and explain what the stupidity is in the statement I pointed out at the bottom. That being said, here is the lyrics to the original rap song, directly copied off some site, since I will drink drain cleaner before I listen to this sack of crap enough to understand all the lyrics. It is unedited with exception of the addition of footnote markers, and the inability of the original author to punctuate correctly says something about him... but that's another issue for another day... Also, I removed repeating parts from the lyrics such as the chorus and seperated the sections to make it less of a pain in the a** to read.

woke up quick, at about noon1
jus' thought that i had to be in compton soon2
i gotta get drunk before the day begins3
before my mother starts bitchin about ma friends4
about to go and damn near went blind
young niggaz at the path throwin up gang signs]
ran in the house, and grabbed ma clip]
wit the mack 10 on the side of ma hip] - 5
bailed outside and pointed ma weapon]
just as i thought the fools kept steppin]
jumped in the fo' hit the juice on ma ride
i got front back, and side to side
then i let the alpine play (play)6
pumpin new s**t by NWA7
it was gangsta gangsta at the top of the list
then i played my own s**t and it went somethin' like this
cruisin down the street in my six-fo''8
jockin the bitches, slappin the hoes9
went to the park to get the scoop
knuckleheads out there cold, shootin some hoops
a car pulls up, who can it be
a fresh El Camino rollin kilo G
he rolled down his window and he started to say
its all about makin that G.T.A.10

(CHORUS)
coz the boys in the hood are always hard 11
you come talkin that trash, we'll pull ya card12
knowin' nutin in life but to be legit'13
dont quote me boy coz i aint said s**t14

(SCRATCHES) yo man
"Get the ******** out" 15

(SCRATCHES) pump that beat
"********, say what"

Down on B's is the place to give me the pace
he said ma man J.D. is on freebase16
the boy J.D. was a friend of mine
'till i caught him in my car tryin to steal the Alpine17
chased him down the street to call a truce
the silly ******** pulls out a deuce deuce18
little did he know i had a loaded 12 guage19
one sucker dead, L.A. Times front page20

(CHORUS)

(SCRATCHES) "yo LeRoy"
(SCRATCHES) "beer drinkin breath stinkin sniffin glue"

bored as hell and i wanna get ill21
so i went to a spot where ma homeboys chill
the fellas out there makin dat dollar
i pulled up in ma 6 fo' impala22
they greet me wit a 40 and i start drinkin
and from the 8 ball, my breath starts stinkin23
left to get ma girl to rock that body
before i left, i hit the bac-ardi24
went to her house to get her out of the pad
dumb hoe said somethin that made me mad25
she said somethin that i couldnt believe
so i grabbed the stupid b***h by her nappy-a** weave
she started talkin s**t, wouldnt you know
reached back like a pimp, slapped the hoe26
her father jumped up and he started to shout
so i threw a right cross and knocked his old-a** out27

(CHORUS)

(SCRATCHES) "who do u think you are Mr. Big Stuff"
(SCRATCHES) "rock this ******** like the hard 3 tha hard way"

I'm rollin hard, now under control
then wrapped the 6 fo' round a telephone pole28
i looked at ma car and i said "oh brother"
i'll throw it in the gutter and go buy another
walkin home and i seen the g ride
now cat is drivin, kilo on the side
as they busted a U, they got pulled over
a undercover cop in a dark green Nova
cat got beat for resistin arrest
he socked a pig in the head for rippin his Guess29
now G is caught, for doin the crime
fourth offense on the boy, he'll do some time30

(CHORUS)

(SCRATCHES) L.A. playa
(SCRATCHES) big drum beater

i went to get them out but there was no bail
the fellas caused a riot in the county jail31
two days later in municipal court
kilo g on trial cold cut a fart32
obstruction of the court said the judge
on a six year sentence, ma man didnt budge33
Baliff came over to turn him in
kilo G looked up and gave a grin
he yelled out fire, then came suzie
the b***h came in with a sub-machine uzi
police shot the b***h but they didnt hurt her34
both upstate for attempted murder

(CHORUS)

(SCRATCHES)
"yeah, i kicked a little a**
but that was a blast from the past ********
(SCRATCHES) "get busy ya ya ya yall"35

Explanations
1: Waking up at noon, indicative of not having a job.
2: Who in the HELL would want to go to Compton? Even for “ganstas” it’s a retarded place to go.
3: He’s gotta have drinking issues or something…
4: Most real gang-related people wouldn’t say anything even close to this. Most gangs have rules involving their members holding their mothers in the highest respect, just below God and the gang itself. Also, this implies that he lives with his mother.
5: You’d threaten somebody with a gun just for making retarded symbols with their hands? Very violent tendencies there…
6: I think it means radio… But it’s a stupid name that I doubt anyone but the writer knew about beforehand.
7: Who? Don’t reference other bands, especially ones that probably don’t exist.
8: How can you afford a car like that when you have no job and you live with your mother?
9: Way to make yourself out as a womanizer and woman-beater, dickhead.
10: All about making that Grand Theft Auto? So he just pulled up and told you something was all about stealing cars?... I don’t even need to start with that…
11: Hard = Emotionally sterile, unable to feel emotions. Why would anyone gloat about it, much less half the rappers that say it, is beyond me.
12: Is that supposed to be a metaphor for killing or for calling out a bluff? Either way it seems like a rather unneccessary and overly-sensitive way to react to criticism.
13: Are you referring to the person whose card you pull or yourself? It helps people to know what you’re talking about if you know how to SPEAK ENGLISH!
14: First you say all this gloating crap, then you say don’t quote you? That seems overly cautious for someone who likes to talk so big.
15: The hell is the point of all these quotes?
16: Way to sell him out for doing drugs, ‘tard.
17: Firstly, way to sell him out again, secondly, it’s still a stupid term, thirdly, way to make a trustworthy friend, idiot.
18: It’s a .22, CALL IT THAT. It’s a shitty gun anyway, but the name makes it sound even worse.
19: Where in the hell could you conceal a shotgun on your person where it would be possible to pull out in time to counteract someone with a loaded gun aimed at you? You’d be dead, not killing.
20: Gang violence is incredibly common in L.A, no singular murder would ever make front page on any newspaper there.
21: I know he means high or drunk or some s**t like that, but it’s just a really poorly fitting term for it…
22: Again, how do you afford that with no job and no home of your own?
23: Way to admit drug-usage on a recording.
24: We get it, you drink, A LOT. Shut up.
25: This guy’s got very short patience… And he’s very sensitive about what people say…
26: You’d beat a woman just for saying something? The ******** is wrong with you?
27: Now that’s a nice way of showing how you respect your elders…
28: So much could be said about that… It mainly just amuses me, so I won’t say anything more.
29: Stupid b*****d, punching a cop just for messing up your… whatever the hell a guess is?
30: Another prime example of depicting members of your own race as massive criminals.
31: See 30. Something could also be said about violent tendencies.
32: You’re in the middle of a serious court case and you fart? You’ve gotta be completely retarded. Also, you’ve got to be clean out of ideas if you do a rap about the judicial system someone else goes through…
33: Again, stupid b*****d.
34: Yeah… one does not get shot and not be hurt by it… She’s a stupid b***h, but she’s not superhuman.
35: “Yall” is a retarded term, and it’s bad enough to use real life quotes in a song, but to end with them?

Links
Original song - Completely retarded.
Dynamite Hack Version - Tolerable version, quite entertaining.