• Santa Claus, the jolly elf,
    Stood before his workshop shelf.
    With twinkling eyes he took a nail,
    And tapped three times upon a pail.

    There was a whoosh! There was a whine!
    Cogs went "Grunt!" and gears went "Grind!"
    The workshop wall slid back and in,
    While Santa stroked his bearded chin.

    Where once was simple jolly stone,
    Now stood a sight to freeze the bone.
    An altar carved from ancient toys,
    Un-dreampt of by good girls and boys!

    An air of madness filled the room,
    Strange creatures skittered in the gloom.
    Santa raised a china doll,
    And cried out "T'ngen Frk't Gh'rahl!"

    Button eyes of midnight black,
    Began to smoke, and then to crack.
    Light and shadow mixed and fled,
    As something reared its horn-ed head!

    Just then the workshop door flew in,
    And in charged Cupid! Donner! Blitzen!
    The eight reindeer were armed for war,
    And Dasher strode onto the floor.

    "We know about your plan!" he roared!
    "We know you've gone out of your gourd!
    We love you, Santa, but we must stop
    Your plan to summon Yog-Rudolph!"

    A cackle rose about the place,
    Which twisted wrong in time and space,
    And Santa joined the horrid laughter!
    "Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho-HASTUR!"

    Comet threw a sugar bomb,
    But still the laughter echoed on!
    Dancer launched an RPG,
    But it couldn't stop the twisted glee!

    "F'tain F'tek F'Leth F'tagn!
    Thus completes the ancient bargain!"
    Santa shook like horrid jelly,
    And seemed to twist about his belly!

    A flash of blinding, burning night,
    A rush of horrid anti-light,
    A note from some forgotten horn,
    And Yog-Rudolph was reborn!

    "At last, the end of life and reason,
    Shall mark the last holiday season!
    My hunger burns from long repose,
    Cower before my crimson nose!"

    Then Prancer and Vixen joined the fray,
    Determined to fight and save the day.
    As Yog prepared to devour all,
    They played catch with a soccer ball.

    "Pitiful worms! Do you not see?
    Soon all you know will cease to be!"
    "You can kill the world all night and day,
    But this is our ball and you can't play!"

    Silence fell as Rudolph paused,
    He flexed a thousand wicked claws,
    He saw the ball pass 'tween the two.
    "Hey, guys, can I play with you?"

    "No." they said. "Now go away.
    You can not even watch us play."
    Rudolph blinked a million eyes,
    Then sniffled and began to cry.

    "You guys suck! I'm going home!
    To sit upon my wretched throne,
    And blog about how much you SUCK!"
    "That's nice. Leave." "You guys suck!"

    All at once the darkness fled,
    Leaving peace for live and dead.
    Yog-Rudolph wept his wretched tears,
    And went to cry for a thousand years.

    Prancer caught the ball and paused,
    Then went to check on Santa Claus.
    Old Cringle groaned and wiped his face,
    His eyes were without madness' trace.

    "What has happened? Where am I?
    Why is my workshop- oh. Oh my."
    "It's okay Santa, you weren't yourself.
    We're glad to have back our favorite elf."

    Dancer and Comet helped him stand.
    And joy would return to all the land.
    "You sure have saved my jolly hide!
    You Reindeer fill me with such pride!"

    And all the eight, and Santa, too,
    Laughed until their cheeks were blue.
    And Christmas would be here to stay,
    Except in crummy old Rlyeh.