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Artist Info:
<br />
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them<br />
and stranding them at strategic locations.<br />
<br />
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.<br />
<br />
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals<br />
throughout the day.<br />
<br />
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get<br />
to join in.<br />
<br />
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the<br />
spray air fresheners.<br />
<br />
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.<br />
<br />
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.<br />
<br />
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.<br />
<br />
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,<br />
especially thin narrow aisles.<br />
<br />
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I<br />
think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what<br />
happens.<br />
<br />
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off<br />
and turn the volumes to “10″.<br />
<br />
12. Play with the automatic doors.<br />
<br />
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen<br />
you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid<br />
embarrassment.<br />
<br />
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask<br />
yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk,<br />
anyway?”<br />
<br />
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.<br />
<br />
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re<br />
taking it for a “test drive.”<br />
<br />
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about<br />
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the<br />
department.<br />
<br />
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store<br />
as your playing field.<br />
<br />
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look<br />
mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”<br />
<br />
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.<br />
<br />
21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.<br />
<br />
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll<br />
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.<br />
<br />
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from<br />
the other aisles.<br />
<br />
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.<br />
<br />
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around<br />
saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”<br />
<br />
26. TP as much of the store as possible.<br />
<br />
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.<br />
<br />
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello”<br />
upside down.<br />
<br />
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,<br />
“Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”<br />
<br />
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired<br />
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any<br />
Shnerples here?”<br />
<br />
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale<br />
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.<br />
<br />
32. Take bets on the battle described above.<br />
<br />
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.<br />
<br />
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from<br />
“Mission: Impossible.”<br />
<br />
35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while<br />
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him ” I<br />
need some tampons!!”<br />
<br />
36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.<br />
<br />
37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.<br />
<br />
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.<br />
<br />
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.<br />
<br />
40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to<br />
your Twinkies?”<br />
<br />
41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.<br />
<br />
42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”<br />
<br />
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet<br />
food aisle, etc.<br />
<br />
44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.<br />
<br />
45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the<br />
restrooms<br />
<br />
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at<br />
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.<br />
<br />
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.<br />
<br />
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,<br />
assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those<br />
voices again!”<br />
<br />
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.<br />
<br />
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and<br />
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain<br />
that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little<br />
umbrella in it.<br />
<br />
51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice<br />
possible “sex and candy”<br />
<br />
52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your<br />
head and walk around the store casually.<br />
<br />
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the<br />
mannequins.<br />
<br />
54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.<br />
<br />
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run<br />
between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”<br />
<br />
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror<br />
while you pick your nose.<br />
<br />
57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.<br />
(Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)<br />
<br />
58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly<br />
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act<br />
as spastic as possible.<br />
<br />
59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and<br />
women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.<br />
<br />
60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch<br />
everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.<br />
<br />
61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with<br />
various funnels.<br />
<br />
62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse<br />
through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare<br />
them into believing that the clothes are talking to them<br />
<br />
63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you<br />
and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is<br />
breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you<br />
do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was<br />
another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME<br />
darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto<br />
the ground screaming and having convulsions.<br />
<br />
64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people<br />
out.<br />
<br />
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and<br />
begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.”<br />
<br />
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of<br />
shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the<br />
boxes and throw it in various aisles.<br />
<br />
67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.<br />
<br />
68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every<br />
perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another<br />
girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way.<br />
“hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).” When the boy<br />
shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way.<br />
“hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).”<br />
<br />
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples<br />
carts when they don’t realize it!<br />
<br />
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of<br />
super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean<br />
in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front<br />
of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the<br />
perfume!!”<br />
<br />
71. Hit on the elderly.<br />
<br />
72. Hit on 5 year olds.<br />
<br />
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly<br />
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left<br />
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the<br />
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like<br />
crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was<br />
the biggest Cockrouch I’ve ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!!<br />
Hey look, there’s another one!!!” Then Repeat.<br />
<br />
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.<br />
<br />
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.<br />
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.<br />
<br />
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a<br />
prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man.” to<br />
people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.<br />
<br />
77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your<br />
friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those<br />
electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they<br />
don’t know you.<br />
<br />
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for<br />
toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend<br />
that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over<br />
wanting to use it, start barking at them until<br />
they run away crying.<br />
<br />
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind<br />
customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your<br />
friend.<br />
<br />
80. Excesively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.<br />
<br />
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.<br />
<br />
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.<br />
<br />
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say<br />
“Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter<br />
Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of<br />
french fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say<br />
“Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you<br />
say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from<br />
Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like<br />
everyone else your know. You digust me” Then walk away<br />
mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl-<br />
like as you can<br />
<br />
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people<br />
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all<br />
your friends seem to have a rash too.<br />
<br />
84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your<br />
“multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern<br />
person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old<br />
girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should<br />
sound like this: “Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly<br />
good time.(English)” “Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta<br />
Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)” Etc.<br />
<br />
85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms<br />
and legs around like your having some kind of massive<br />
seizure.<br />
<br />
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the<br />
store.<br />
<br />
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to<br />
leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your<br />
walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to<br />
go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then<br />
quickly look around you to see who’s watching and run away<br />
as fast as your can.<br />
<br />
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,<br />
your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while<br />
singing the circus song.<br />
<br />
89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department<br />
<br />
90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.<br />
<br />
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn<br />
around.<br />
<br />
92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that<br />
someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over,<br />
start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little<br />
attention” Then run away crying.<br />
<br />
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,<br />
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don’t look away, just<br />
stay mesmerized.<br />
<br />
94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in<br />
my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your<br />
hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming<br />
“NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO<br />
NO NO NO!!!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the<br />
eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a<br />
zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t<br />
light the zippo, just hold it closed.<br />
<br />
95. Light a match under a spinkler.<br />
<br />
96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I<br />
warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get<br />
my shot gun”. Then walk away.<br />
<br />
97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my<br />
god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him.<br />
Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then<br />
walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.<br />
<br />
98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a<br />
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as<br />
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your<br />
watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get<br />
paid enough to do this”<br />
<br />
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.<br />
<br />
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen<br />
my mommy?”<br />
<br />
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.<br />
<br />
BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.<br />
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