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  • Artist Info:
    95% of teens would cry if they saw Justin Bieber at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Put this on your profile if you are a part of the 5% that would sit there with popcorn and a camera and be yelling, "DO A BACK FLIP!"<br />
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    "Life Starts Now" everyone, let's "Get Out Alive" and start a "Riot" against the Three Days Grace haters and send them "Home" because they're "Goin' Down". It's "Never Too Late", but do it before your "Time of Dying". Don't "Let it Die". Let's "Break" every one of their necks. They do NOT deserve "The Good Life", they deserve "Pain"... "Over and Over". We need to make them "Gone Forever". I don't want to do this "On My Own". To haters, "I Hate Everything about You", you made me this "Animal I Have Become".
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    I'mma tell you a few stories me and one of my brothers made...<br />
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    Herald was born in Italy. His fat jiggled when he walked. This is strange because he never walked. He was too fat. In fact, when he was put into his SUV by a forklift, when he drove over a speed bump, he knocked himself out with his man-boobs.<br />
    When he recovered, he found a pork grind under his nipple. That is all.
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    Many years ago, when the earth was young, there existed no land masses, but only water. Then, the largest whale of existence, known as Jyruld, surfaced from the dark waters. This whale's body consisted almost entirely of his colon, and the fateful day when he had to take a pooh, it formed the great landmass Pangaea...<br />
    Then, Zeus, god of the gods, challenged the whale. Zeus said that though the whale did make the super continent, he challenged it saying it could not contain his flatulence. The obese whale accepted the challenge with heavy breathing, saying the "long word 'challenge' ". The whale then proceeded to eat almost all ocean life, throwing millions of species to their extinction. Then, Jyruld waited. It waited for 20 days. Then another day. Then the massive whale began to squint its eyes. Its muscles began to clench. Its eyebrows twitched. Though this was little movement, the whale had to breathe heavily. Then, with all its might, it threw its backside into the heavens, and shot a ball of pure stink. Zeus was disgusted by this, even though nothing smelt bad to him, but this. This ball of gas could not recede on Olympia, nor Earth. So Zeus called upon his league of super-best-friends, otherwise known as Superman, Apollo and the Green Lantern. They all exploded, then reformed to one being, and threw the ball above the heavens. We know this today as the really gassy planet, Jupiter, I think it was. Yah...<br />
    Decades passed, and Zeus decided to challenge the behemoth again. Recently, Mexican food was invented. Zeus challenged the whale to make another planet, and the whale liked making people upset, so agreed, breathing heavily. The bubble of lard gorged itself on spicy green burritos, half of its weights worth. Then, it began to do rapid, short farts. It flew into space, then had shotgun diarrhea. This shot it back to Earth, but left an orb of contained crap hotter than the whale’s left nipple. This is so hot, that it heats up the sky for roughly 12 hours a day, then falls back down, but rises again with heat. Oh, by the way, there’s a reason the sea is salty. Did you also notice that your sweat is salty? And the whale's fat? You're swimming in its sweat, n00b...<br />
    When the Earth was spat out of the mouth of the schizophrenic duck, spinning as it went, the Earth had but one being on it at the time. It was an old hermit, teeth so out of place that the top ones punctured under its chin, its hair was braided fourteen-thousand times, its eyes were sagging so much that they often fell into its upwards-facing nostrils, so it couldn’t breathe very well. Its skin was so old and saggy that if it fell off a cliff, it would spread its arms and begin to glide. Then, this unearthly creature began vomiting up people, we know today as Neanderthals. They regarded the old one to be an outcast and said "Oongah, mardra gingala (Let us shun the nonbeliever)!" Then, the old one got all grumpy, turned green and began to grow. It grew a tail, big teeth, and big feet. It trashed across the land, killing its vomit wherever it was seen. Then, it changed back to "human," and exploded into feathers of pink, and was gone. Then giant testies rained down the sky, turning the world to fire, which froze it for some stupid reason. Then the old one re-appeared and assisted the whale in creating Pangaea. How did the old one do this? By being so ugly it literally scared the crap out of ol' ugly beans. Then it got Optimus-Primes' voice, transformed into a jet plane, and flew across the sky. Why? Because it is old. Why? Because it was spat out of the duck. Why? Because the duck got sick thinking it could make something like that. Why? WHY!? Yo' momma.
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    These are a few other stories I liked but didn't make.<br />
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    Girl: "Do I ever cross your mind?"<br />
    Guy: "No."<br />
    Girl: "Do you like me?"<br />
    Guy: "Not really."<br />
    Girl: "Do you want me?"<br />
    Guy: "No."<br />
    Girl: "Would you cry if I left?"<br />
    Guy: "No."<br />
    Girl: "Would you live for me?"<br />
    Guy: "No."<br />
    Girl: "Would you do anything for me?"<br />
    Guy: "No."<br />
    Girl: "Choose - me or your life?"<br />
    Guy: "My life."<br />
    The girl runs away in shock and pain and the guy runs after her and says...<br />
    "The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. <br />
    The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. <br />
    The reason I don't want you is because I need you. <br />
    The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die <br />
    The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. <br />
    The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you. <br />
    The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life."
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    A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle.<br />
    Girl- "Slow down I'm scared!"<br />
    Guy- "No, this is fun!"<br />
    Girl- "No it's not please it's to scary!"<br />
    Guy- "Then tell me you love me."<br />
    Girl- "I love you, now slow down."<br />
    Guy- "Now give me a big hug."<br />
    She gave him a big hug<br />
    Guy- "Can you take off my helmet can put it on yourself? It's bothering me...."<br />
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    In the newspaper the next day a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the breaks were broken and he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and, told him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, then copy and paste this into your profile.<br />
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    No means No!<br />
    Guy: "Can we have sex right now?<br />
    Girl: "Can we do what?"<br />
    Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"<br />
    Girl: "Um...no."<br />
    Guy: "Why?"<br />
    Girl: "Because, you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend..."<br />
    Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell."<br />
    Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."<br />
    Guy: "I'm not special to you?"<br />
    Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."<br />
    The Guy looks forward and keeps driving.<br />
    5 minutes pass...<br />
    The Guy starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.<br />
    The Girl moves his hand,
    "Don't touch me."<br />
    The Guy tries to kiss her.<br />
    The Girl screams,
    "Would you stop!"<br />
    The Guy continues trying.<br />
    The Girl moves to the back seat<br />
    The Guy parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her.<br />
    The Girl pushes him off and scoots over,
    "Please, don't do this."<br />
    Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." He moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.<br />
    The Girl pushes him harder and says,
    "No, don't."<br />
    The Guy is getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get."<br />
    The Girl is crying, and continues to fight.<br />
    The Guy punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.<br />
    The Girl screams as he penetrates her,
    "NO, please don't do this to me!"<br />
    The Guy puts his hand over her mouth.<br />
    An hour passes...<br />
    The Guy pulls back and wipes himself off.<br />
    The Girl sits on the corner of the seat, crying.<br />
    The Guy looks at her and says,
    "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.<br />
    The Girl pulls back,
    "Just take me home, now."<br />
    The Guy says, "Alright." And gets in the front seat and drives her home.<br />
    2 months later...
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    Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me? I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months."<br />
    The Doctor looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."<br />
    The Girl looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.<br />
    Doctor: "You are pregnant."<br />
    The Girl faints.<br />
    The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school (which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her,
    "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you."<br />
    The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant...then he lied about it. So completely depressed...the girl commits suicide by drug overdose...<br />
    Girls, if this story touched you, put this on your profile under
    "No means no!"<br />
    Guys, if this story pisses you off, put this on your profile under "I'll kill any guy who does this to my girl or any girl!"
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