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  • Artist Info:
    People who say anythings possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.<br />
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    Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!<br />
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    Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.<br />
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    Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again<br />
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    A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.<br />
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    Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.<br />
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    I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?<br />
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    I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.<br />
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    I don't obsess! I think intensely.<br />
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    Muffins are just ugly cupcakes...but we love them anyways.<br />
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    It is wise to walk a mile in a man's shoes before judging him... That way you're a mile away and you have his shoes.<br />
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    A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.<br />
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    At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.<br />
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    War is God's way of teaching Americans about geography.<br />
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    Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.<br />
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    The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?<br />
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    The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.<br />
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    My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.<br />
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    The buddy system is essential to survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.<br />
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    I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.<br />
    I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes i just don't show up.<br />
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    You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.<br />
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    Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more<br />
    Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.<br />
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    Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.<br />
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    I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.<br />
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    Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls.<br />
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    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.<br />
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    I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!<br />
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    Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.<br />
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    Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?<br />
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    Ooooo...a life. Where can I download one?<br />
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    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?<br />
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    Yes I may be smiling, but I’m secretly laughing at your face.
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