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  • Artist Info: My name is Christopher Terrell Martell Derrell Evans, I am the son of Sydney Raynond Evans and Jacqueline Maurren Price. I have reached the age of 18 years and am a black man in America. I have three brothers and three sisters. Being able to continue my life with a family histroy of Alcoholism, and Hereditary high blood sugar, and a continuing long line of Drug abuse and criminal activtys spread 10 miles long. I have reluctently survived on my own for about 5 years now under the custudy of many different relatives other than my mother and father. In the event of being on my own for such an irrelevant time I have grown to understand the world only around myself. With past histoy of family bloodline habbits, i have successfully repeated the mistakes of my father and his fathers before him. Eroneious events of grandeur have lead me to believe that life holds no specific meaning what so ever. I have finally reached the point in my life where I am falling in and out of love and hurting myself as punishment for my actions of negative pestulence.<br />
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    About 5 weeks ago I was able to fall asleep. But then I was bent on shareing an relationship with a very special female. Her name is *******. She was the apple of my eye, the beat in my heart and my reason I could still smile for a real purpose. It was actually 3 years ago at this very same school, freshman hallway right in front of Mr. Phillp Davis's room, I had layed eyes on her. It was at that moment that I had a sharp pain in my chest; unexplainable with the thought of it if it was a heart condition or some kind of burn, I hadnt the slightest clue of what it was but in my wasted excitment I knew I was in love. This time I was in love but, with an angel. In many words an angel, but she was taken from me, not like I had her or she died but she had a boyfriend at the time. But I knew that in my current state or experience to pull off being the greatest boyfirend in the history of highschool boyfriends I needed to step my game up. I made it my all consming quest to do so. But more or less I forgot about her and was on my way to being better at sex and conversations, and other aspets that invloled two people in love. A mortality of 3 years went by and I finally had the courage to say one word to her. It held its own simple song to it; Her voice, it was like that of a sirens, Hair like a godly woven tapestry, Beauty of no comparison. To my eyes she was perfect.<br />
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    As it was said it took me three years to actually talk to her, and make my exsistence known to her. As I carefully planned it out, well i actually winged it. I found a whimsey little pretext to start conversation with her, I was actually invited to a party and without knowledge of her persence she was attending the very same party at a friends house. As I approached her with eligency I said "hi." And she replied to me as if we were the closest of friends. It was a little strange but I had no objections it relaxed the feeling, and the conversation went on smoothly. As the conversation reached its conclusion I wasnt feeling to well, and noticed that my leg was shaking. I had no medical explaination for if, but as I lingerd it progressed into a shivering pain and I ended the conversation with a, "Well I have to go, and would want nothing but our conversation to continue but I bid you farwell." And I was off. But not before I got to the door she stopped me and in front of everyone there. She asked me for my number. In total shock, added on with the searing pain in my leg, I replied "Ok" and gave her my number and left with bells, and pain on my toes. A while later I was honored by a phone call from ******* asking me if I liked her in a way in relationship terms, I gave her a straight answer "yes,"at that moment I asked her if she would accept my invitation to a relationship with me. And in a pleasurable tone she replied "yes."It was a beauiful realtionship filled with caring and understanding, passion and chivalry. We were together for four days. <br />
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    The reason why was completly a mystery to me and my friends, until with enough gull built up, I asked why it was that she would give up a relaltionship of happiness and certainty, protection and respect, she told me. She just wasnt ready. I took it as a complement, and as a good a way of learning more about her. But I was hurt in so many ways. Questions were traveling at a hundred miles an hour, of interest. Why didnt she tell me, why did she accept my invitation to a relationship, how could I have been so lazy to not do my homework about her like I always do before jumping into her world unannounced. These questions drove me to wonder why I chased a dream that was never a nightmare. The following days at school were murder to my heart, I couldnt eat without not knowing why, I couldnt focus, I couldnt stay awake long enough to repeat a sentence or a word my teacher said. I thought about her but ignored those very same thoughts at the same time. It was hell for me. But a while later she asked me through a txt message if I still had feelings for her, and like a fool I said "yes" without hesitation, she replied "Then ask me out again" and I did. This time we lasted a week, and in that week I had gave her my Limited Edition Sean John $279 Jacket just to keep her warm. Why because she told me she as cold at the time.<br />
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    In this time of reluctent joy and happiness on my side of the spectrum. I was meet with the understanding that she not only had certain feelings for another person, But the ability of love was factored in this equation. I hadnt the slightest clue how I couldnt of saw this, but im a guy I dont pay any attention to personal details other than appearance and facial pleasures. But as I was told this information from the mouth and thoughts of my beloved, I felt an uncertainty in my life as in how I could call myself her man, and I was meet with the answer of "IDK." The shear fact that you. yourself hasnt the complete sence that I am with you and that I had devoted years of my life to honoring you in such a way. and you dont know. But I didnt hold it against her, I just felt the pain of a thousand suns burning a hole in my heart. But this is irrelavant to her, she wouldnt know how I was feeling, because this conversation was over text messages. While in deep thought I knew that not only would I stand to be treated this way, but I cared enough for her to be with the one she loved even though she couldnt have that person. I begged her to tell me it was over. Because my soft heart wasnt stong enough to do such a thing to the one that I honestly "loved" so I let her go for her own happiness. Because I may be hard to get through to but im not blind, I noticed her crooked smile and the way she viewed me. <br />
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    But with those following days and month she seemed happier with the one she loved, and I was happy because she was happy, and everytime at the cost of my own happiness then its always worth it. Not to long from the time we broke up I was invited to go out with her, and her family. But to be honest I didnt enjoy myself too much, not that being around her wasnt great, and that I got to meet her father mother, and brother. Also the dogs I couldnt find the happiness that I actually wanted. But it was akward cause her dad was huge, like green giant he was tall as hell. But after words I was taken to their house and then dropped off. And got to my desk and wrote down two in a half entry pages to my autobiography. Not but about a few days later I was invited to her birthday party. Having not been to a birthday party since I was little I unfortunetly was called upon to help with the decorations. <br />
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    Big mistake on my part, not that I didnt want to help, but cause I aint have shit else to do, but my uncle died that same night in the hospital. But back to status quo I was in, It was later in the day and I was retreaved to buy supplies and then off to her house to start decorating. But while out in the streets with her family I had came across a necklace that was nothing but beauty in itself, it was the best gift and I waswith such low cash and short time. So I purchased it while in the store off venturing. But It was very caring in my own eyes to do such a nice thing for someone who not only hurt me, but did a brothah wrong. But all that was irrelevant to me. Only the way I stil felt for her mattered. So under my own suspicion I held the gift close and out of sight. By the time of revealing my gift I felt ahundred times bigger in my heart. And I was told thank you and was given a smile. Which was the only thing I could ever want from her. But I have said to much in my constant bickering of love and pain. I leave you at this turn of events in my life, Thank you, and i leave you with this. "Love isnt a feeling, love is and ability."<br />
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    This is me, and how I live.
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