Yao's Life of Terror

• Artist: d i n o z a u r z
• Description: Yao is a girl who lost her whole family to a dark assassin,also her friend Sao has lost his family to the assassin too, Yao and Sao are now searching on a quest fighting dark dark creatures and fighting off other assassins that are the dark assassins people.Yao has decided to Join Sao and work together for they know what lies upon them in there dark deep quest.
  
  Message me if you think i should write more and continue my fan fic or comment!
• Date: 11/30/2008
• Tags: yaos life terror

Chapter 1

"Good Morning Yao" Said the sweet lady Yuki.
"Good Morning Yuki" Said Yao
" So what will you be do- OWWWW!" Screamed Yuki as she tripped over Yao's Weapons lying there on her floor, because last nights battle had exhausted her.
"Oops sorry" Said Yao.
"Why must you leave your wea-" Yao interrupted Yuki
"Because another assassin almost killed me and Sao last night!" Yao yelled
"SHUT UP!" Screamed Sao as he walked into the room woken from Yao and Yuki.
"Sorry" Said Yuki and Sao
"It's bad enough my best friend and our guardian can't get along" Said Sao
Yao screamed and ran after Sao with her katana! Sao smart enough to whip out his swords, He hit Yaos katana right out of her hand but she quickly recovered with her daggers.
Yuki got in the middle of the two and used her hands to quickly disarm the both of them.
"Why must you two fight all the time?" Said Yuki
Yao and Sao just walked out side with there weapons mumbling calling her an a*****e and a b***h.
"Why do we fight so much Sao?" Said Yao
No one answered. BANG !!!!!!!!.
"What the ******** Sao ?!?!?!" screamed Yoa an Yuki
Sao was hang from the roof by his foot, being attacked by another assassin.

Comments

[I am Bleeding Mascara]

I'm sorry, but this is simply horrendous.
For one, it reads like it was written by a 7-year-old because of the awful grammar and spelling. You need to learn your capitalization rules again, it seems.
Also, your dialogue is foolish, disjointed, unrealistic, and unnecessarily profane. I can tell that you are young/immature because of your desire to stuff your work with as many curse words as you can muster.
Pay attention in English class from now on, and read something other than manga.
1/5

[Arcane Drifter]

wow not like you over-use the word assassin too much.. what's with the anime form of writing? by that i mean what's with all those Japanese names? is that even your work? even if it is i really really dislike it..