The Murder at High School

• Artist: supermadme
• Description: XXX Hello!!!!
  This is my redone version of The Murder at High School!
  Hope you like it!:big:
• Date: 12/12/2008
• Tags: murder highschool

"Orla? Where are you?"
"I'm in here, Sash!"
"Orla, I know it is only middnight but I need to go."
"Come on Sasha. You baby."
"Orla you know my dad is coming home tonight."
"Yeah I know. Seeya tomorrow!"
Little did she know that tomorrow won't come.

Orla stayed at the school party until late hours.
By then she was hyper and feeling great.
Her just-passed-shoulder hair caresed her face.
"Ginger Freak!" shouted a random drunk guy.
"I don't know people who can be pissed and still piss me off. Well done(!)"
Her almond eyes gleamed as she stared at the b*****d.
I mean how dare he?
"You will be really sorry you said that..."
He ran up to her with a knife.
She screamed.

Sasha came to school as usual that morning after Orla's death.
She hadn't heard of it yet.
She waited for Orla but when she didn't come out, she assumed that she had already gone.
"She is soooo gonna get it!"
When she reached the school it was locked.
Police surrounded the school.
A officer walked up to her and asked "Do you know Orla Clayton?"
"Yes...."
"It is my sad duty to tell you that she was murder last night."
"What? No way. Orla....dead?"
"Yes at the school dance."
"Oh my god."
Sasha sunk to her knees and sobbed.
"Orla can't die. She is my best friend. She was going to be an actress and be famous and..."
"Maybe you should go now... You are clearly upset."
"Guess I will have to live without Orla. I'll try, God knows, I'll try..."

Comments

[luvlybrat24]

The last part almost made me freakin cry!! I like it =D hehe... I am so twisted.

[supermadme]

This a totally revised version as the last one was bullshit.
=P

[violets_are_purple]

Please fix your spelling before submitting. It's a good idea to put things through a Word document, but even that doesn't get all the errors.

[Tasty Crayons]

For your first story, it's not as terrible as some I've read. This has a really interesting plot going.

You need to watch for a few of your spelling errors and try to let the words flow together more. Some of your sentences were rather... iffy. But as a budding writer, this is not bad at all for a first story. You just have to improve some, like everyone does when they first start out.

Oh, and I loved your choice of character names