• A few months before I was going to highschool everybody told me that everything would be alright and I probably would get LOADS of new friends.
    But I knew that if I would go there everything would turn into hell.
    I have a few problems that make me pretty bad with social interaction wich led to that I didn't have very many friends. Maybe a few super buddies, but not enough it would seem....

    When I started highschool I was very scared. It was big, had a long way RIGHT THROUGH it and was filled to the brim with hostile kids. But I thought that with the help of my friends and the teachers I could manage three years.

    My "friends" saw the more popular kids and left me a few weeks later. The teachers just didn't care what the kids did to eachother. They only cared for more coffee. I was all alone. But I had my drawing so I always did that each break.

    Soon I was ignored by most and bullied by a few. I became a very angry person.

    Everyday I would find garbage in my locker and one time someone dropped a soda in there. But I managed. At least I thought so.

    I started watching more violent movies (I very often laughed at bloody scenes) and secretly liked how they gutted eachother. I never told my parents. Sometimes I would bring a knife to school. But I never used it.

    When I went up one grade I could feel the insanity in my head. I kinda liked it. Felt less lonely when I was thinking those thoughts.

    Sometimes thought of suicide. Didn't like it.

    The grown-ups gave me false promises of a better life. All broken. Made me worse.

    Always talked to a psychiatrist. Didn't help... Thoughts got worse.
    Talked to my mother. She was bullied when she was young. More than me. She thought it would go away. Ignored my calls for help and my crying in the room. I got worse.

    But one day.... I was sent to a new school.... for special people....
    After two years I'm almost recovered. But I still hate and fear big schools.
    Going to start studying art in a new big school. Everybody is giving me promises of a better future.


    They better not be lying this time those bastards.