• Inaugurating my career as a freshman in high school, my friends sent me the imagine that freshman year would be complemented with genuine happiness and warming bliss. My hardships in 8th grade forced me to yearn for the paradise I was destined to experience as I was often tangled in unnecessary dramatic dilemmas and venomous arguments. Ephemerally, my everyday high school life would be composed of serendipity, but that was before I preferred to be trapped in a fantasy land dream than chained down to a regretful reality.
    I used to be with someone as something more lovely and real than a lustful "relationship". He took me the way I was despite my imperfections in personality and physical appearance. He would make me feel loved, and that was what stood out to me the most. Naturally over time, my feelings for him started to grow and I started to notice things that was usually unnoticeable that made him look more attractive. I wasn't anticipating a relationship further than friendship so I wasn't planning to admit my feelings to him.
    Every Friday after finishing spending time with our other friends, we would walk our way in the blistering wind to a beautiful lake near a school and sit on a bench of a lit, white gazebo in the middle of the lake; just the two of us strolling to our usual place. We would talk about our morals in life and often dig into deeper topics than just morals. We escaped to each other when we had something on our minds. Lovely isn't it; feelings more special than you actually are. I endured the temptation to admit my emotions to him, but the pressure each day piled up. And so I did and gave in the pressure. I opened the door that was forbidden to cross over in reality, let alone my own personal life.
    To this day after 4 months of loneliness, I imagine my life differently colored if I didn't make that regretful decision. All the deep connections, the laughs, the hugs, all that valuable time wasted away in a few words of a simple confession. And suddenly, the person I used to know transformed into all the things he said he wouldn't become; sordid, acrimonious, sharp in his comments. I became part of a past that was easily forgotten.