It wasn’t his fault,
when he loaded that gun.
It wasn’t his fault.
Loser, weirdo, pervert, he had heard it all.
Did they think him deaf?
Did they think he couldn’t hear, the whispers in his wake?
It had started out, okay.
"Oh my god, Tom is so strange, the way he dresses."
"what a nerd, he is always in a book."
"Wow, what perv. he always stares!"
Yet it got worse Junior year.
That summer he had decided,
he would try to be more outgoing, he would try.
So when he saw Jenny drop a book.
The perfect opportunity...
"Thanks, uhg it is only the fourth day of school and I have so much to do and now thanks to the wind I look like crap"
She huffed as he handed her the book.
What came over him next; He could never explain.
"No, you're beautiful; you’re always beautiful"
There... There it is!
That strange look on her face.
her boyfriend and his buddies, didn’t leave him alone the rest of the school year.
He sunk into himself, guarding his within his dying heart. And everything was worse.
"What are you staring at Freak?"
"Sorry, I don’t want to be your partner."
Always snickering, laughing, judging his cover.
He didn’t go outside.
He had no reason.
His only friend, Jake, was away.
Jake had always been "sporty".
He had always been better at "fitting in".
Tom Sat in his room,
growing pale in the sunny months.
He didn’t care about his appearance.
No body else liked him.
Why should he like himself?
It started quietly.
Everyone was too busy to hurt him,
but their silence hurt just as badly.
Homecoming came and went.
Without a date of course.
Jake got him a Christmas present.
A self help book... a hint.
Baseball season came round...
Here is where it all fell apart.
Peoples words were there again,
their fingers pointing arrows.
"STop calling me tom! I tried to get through to you, I tried to help! ... Now just leave me alone! You're as weird and annoying as they all say! You know they always asked why I was your friend, and now, even I don’t know."
And there it was...
Like all his bones being broken,
He felt sick to his stomach with pain.
His fault, it was all his fault, for being so different and strange!
It was their fault, and they should feel his pain!
They should know!
What it is like to die every day!
To die, to die, die, die, his answer.
It wasn’t his fault, as he loaded the gun.
They would see, They would feel,
The pain of fiery words in a bullet!
They would die the death,
he had a thousand times before!
The spring pep assembly...
All of the happy go lucky murderers
would be in one place.
His mom was never home,
she wouldn’t see if two of his grandpas guns disappeared from the case.
10:30 AM, Monday
he began to wrap duct tape around the door handles to the gym. Every possible exit would be locked. The only clear one would be that which he came through. The boy’s locker room.
The cheerleaders began their dance.
The whole school joining in with the song.
nobody has figured out where the shot came from.
No one has seen the student slump over.
Two seconds seem like two life times before a girl screams bloody murder
at the sight of her bleeding friend.
Running towards blocked exits.
Jenny’s Boyfriend, BANG!
The girl in Home Ec. BANG!
Paul the rude Jock, BANG!
He grabs the loud speaker from the dying hands of an unknown teacher.
Emotionless and numb, he has died his final death.
"Everybody line up against a wall, sit down, and shut up!" He screams towards the chaos.
as though time itself has stopped.
More screams and the hurry towards the walls.
He wants to laugh!
Finally, he is in control!
Finally, it is them that fear him!
And it feels great!
He doesn’t care where he shoots!
Whimpers are his silence.
Then, he sees him sitting against the wall.
Next to Jenny.
"I'm so sorry man." he whispers through his tears.
His power is Empty.
He looks around, and for the first time;
He sees true death.
He sees Jake in a puddle of red.
He sees it all.
Taking the other gun from his pocket,
he pulls Jenny up.
He looks into her fearful eyes.
He hands her the gun”
She shakes, she whimpers, and the gun drops.
Reloading the first he yells;
“It wasn’t my fault!
It was all of yours!”
It wasn’t his fault.
The last thing he heard was sirens and screams.
But it wasn’t his fault.