Ever feel like you're a failure? That your life is so messed up, you just give up because you think that no one can safe you, nothing in this big world can help fix you and your mistakes? That's how a lot of people feel. Even me. I feel it a lot.
I used to believe that through even the worst mistakes of my life, there was something, someone out there that could help me. Help fix my mistakes, or at least make something better out of them. I believed every fact and every lie I was told, thinking someday, using the knowledge from the truth and the lies, that I would find that person.
Having a child believe these things, I started to think crazy thoughts. But I just kept trying. Believing that one day I would find my savior in this world, I began to start trying my best in everything. I always tried my hardest just to see the smiling faces of those I loved – even if they didn't love me, and even if I could not smile myself. I still tried.
Seeing the smiling faces of those who I cared about, even when they didn't care about me, was like heaven in my eyes. I might not have been that happy, thinking I could never be fixed, but I still loved to see others happy. See them take advantage of the things I didn't have. It didn't hurt me, but it made me feel satisfied, knowing that others were using everything they had.
Now over the years, that little part of me that believed even the biggest of lies grew brighter. Everyday I thought I had met my savior. But when I realized that the one person I believed in couldn't help me, I was left in pain. And I had scars that I still have to this very day.
But I picked myself up, and moved on. I continue to move forward, taking every scar, every broken piece, every shred of faith I had left, and I just kept moving. Because I knew. I knew that the scars and broken pieces I had would help me grow stronger.
I might have bled on the inside from the scars, but eventually the bleeding stopped, and through the blood from the past shone the light of the blood of the future. Because as you get older, you get wiser. And with the new blood replacing the old, I grew wiser.
And that little part of me started my life. Because it never gave up in trying to show the world itself. It believed that everything has its own light. Even if there is nothing or no one there to see it shine, it just grows brighter, determined to show the world what matters more – itself, or everything that shines equally to the Earth.
And for all those people out there that think scars and wounds take away from your shine, you don't realize that it makes you shine brighter. Therefore you've been blinded by your own light, and being blind, you only think your light gets weaker, when really it gets bigger and more wise then you could ever imagine.
So open your eyes and look ahead. Everyone has that little part inside that believes. Just like mine. And to this very day, it still believes I will find my savior. And perhaps I will. But what I have learned through looking foreard, is that I don't have just one savior. I have many.
I have my friends. My friends are the reason I wake every morning. So I believe they are my saviors. Perhaps they are. But even if I'm left with their scars, I'll use them to realize even though they couldn't help me become less of a failure, I'll know through the short period of pain, that they tried. And that I tried.
So remember, “People were made with eyes viewing the outside of their heads, so they can look forward and not back.”
- Title: The Light of Saviors
- Artist: Lilac_Luna445
Based on a conversation I was having with my friend on msn.
"You gotta believe in the light that shines in you. Even if you cannot see it, it's still there, awaiting the day you realize that. And the day you let it shine to the world."
- Date: 06/02/2009
- Tags: light saviors
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