scars of the longing

• Artist: orangechanel
• Description: this is a siquence of scars of love
  this is about the girl when she is found
• Date: 10/12/2009
• Tags: scars hidden love longing precious

I will hide for eternity
yes,thats what i want.
You can beg for me to show
myself but i wont.
I fear that i may love again
but i couldnt.

Please find me.
Please bring me to real love.
my hidden heart is longing
for your lavishing love.
for you but i mus'nt
trust.
No never again.

love is precious.
Love is kind.
Love can bring you happienes
for all time.
Love is evil.
Love is revenge.
Love can make you its
prisoner.

I wish to love again but
i cant.
Please oh please teach me love.

Comments

[The Furry Poet]

im likin this its great and as the other person said maybe work a lil better on grammar writin and stuff

[~Twilight Fairy Of Light~]

Even though I know you, but I feel like it's my duty to critique harshly.

Spend time trying to format this properly. Capitalize correctly, no periods, etc. People will take you much more seriously.
Rearrange the order of the words on the lines to make it less akward.
Change the original to...
You can beg for me
to show myself
but I won't
...and it will sound much better. Try reading the words out loud to see if they flow smoothly.

Once you do that, I can critique the subject itself.