• Do You Remember

    The day I met you, that punk on Gaia was trying to start something with you. He started something with me too. I offered to get him to back off, you let me tell him off and that’s where it started. We just had a conversation. Talked about how stupid that guy was, and how I was so nice to Courtney. And you wish you had a boyfriend that was like that. I looked at your profile pictures and thought you were the most beautiful girl alive. Still do to this day. Like it matters. Me and you started getting a bond, and I thought you were really nice and kind. You were caring and I thought about you non stop for a long time. You said you wanted to talk on the phone with me. I was shy and nervous about talking on the phone with you. But in the end it was worth it, because you showed me that even someone you just met can be the person you truly love but aren’t meant to be with. That night we talked on the phone and that made me happy. For the first time I felt like someone cared about me. Then I decided to go to bed and it took me awhile to get to sleep. But I had a dream and it replayed our whole conversation. The next morning I got up and immediately checked my phone to see if you text me already, and no you didn’t so I said good morning even though you are two hours ahead of me in time. So yes you were awake and you said good morning back. We text for a little bit then you had to go. So we stopped texting. I told my friend about you and he wasn’t being any help what so ever. So I hung up on him and decided to go work out. I was all pumped up and you text me again. I got excited and just chilled on my bed so I wouldn’t say something stupid. I was so nervous you thought I was stupid that day. I soon realized there was nothing to be nervous about. Days passed and we liked each other. We started dating and then a day or two later you asked if we could start dating in real life because people on Gaia were getting annoying. I said yes we can. It didn’t matter to me as long as I was dating you and you were happy. I also had a retard moment because I didn’t know we were only dating on Gaia. We started talking for hours on end every night. I liked you soo much then. I was tired as hell in the mornings and didn’t realize it until science class where the teacher yelled at me for sleeping. Those mornings I was wide awake just for you. My grades started dropping in math and science and health class. My teachers were concerned. I wasn’t. I just knew that as long as I had you everything would be fine. They were fine. My friends helped me and my grades didn’t stay at an F for long. They thought I was crazy for feeling so madly in love with you though. I told them how happy I am when I talk to you. How cute your voice was and how beautiful you are. How no matter where you are I’d always be there for you. They still called me crazy. I didn’t care. I had someone who made me the happiest man alive. I wanted to be there for you 24/7. I tried my damn hardest to be perfect just for you. But god knows I could never accomplish that. When you were at your worst all I could do was talk to you on the phone and wish I was there to hold you and make everything better. It got so bad I was willing to dump my life and run away with you. I was ready for anything to happen. I was giving you 110%. But that wasn’t enough. I wanted to hold you so bad. And that’s what led to me breaking down into pieces and letting myself be vulnerable. My ex attacked me as soon as she got the chance and said how horrible you are and that I should of never dated you. It all got to me. I literally cried and cried knowing what I was going to do. Knowing what would happen. I started to type the message that would end us forever. When I finished it I paused, and I couldn’t press the send button. I was frozen. Then I pressed it. But wouldn’t let go of it. I was hoping someone else would text me and stop the message from sending. It never happened. It took me a whole hour to let go of that button. And the message sent. I started to panic. Go into immediate regret. Guilt. But I knew there was nothing I could do. You sent me that message. You were out in public. Crying. I was horrified. It took every single one of my friends to stop me from doing something that would get me killed.

    But I lived on. Missing you every single day of my life. I told you what had happened. It didn’t matter. I was too late. And I knew it. Some days I would think about you and how we had our good times. And it made me so very sad every time. But I couldn’t stop. It ruined me. (Please don’t judge me by this) I cheated on two girls hoping it would fill the gap in my heart. It didn’t. It just made my life worse and worse. After 3 months of this I broke. I told them. They flipped out. One hated me. One was cheating on me also. No matter what I did it didn’t make a difference. I was a man slowing rotting from the inside out. They became my friends again and now the friendship has been restored. But it didn’t matter who I dated. No One could make me feel the same way you did.

    I write this 1:42 AM August 30, 2010.
    I talked to my friend for 2 hours on the phone. We talked about life experiences and I told him about you. He told me that if im still hurting on the inside I should try and talk to you. And theres truthfully nothing to talk to you about anymore. What I did broke the connection forever. So now I write this in recognition to the girl that changed my life. Forever.