• BRIAN: Sweet, we have a gig today, can’t wait! I know all the parts by heart, I played flawlessly during practice yesterday, everything will be okay! I hope the others feel as good. Can’t wait for Gabby to get here so we can all rendezvous at Kevin’s!

    HEART: Gabby….

    BRIAN: No, I can’t think about that now. I need to be fresh for the performance! I can’t let myself miss a single key!

    HEART: But why can’t you be there as boyfriend and girlfriend? You are together almost all the time, how can you not be “together”? You love her. Doesn’t she love you?

    BRIAN: She does love me. Just not like that.

    HEART: But it’s not fair!

    BRAIN: Will you just shut it? You have a bond with Gabby like no other, a bond probably stronger than any other relationship, intimate or otherwise. If you continue you thinking about her the way you are now, it will not just destroy you but also the bond with her you care so much about.

    HEART: I know how strong your bond is. Isn’t that all the more reason that you should be in such a relationship?

    (door bell rings)

    BRIAN: She’s here!

    HEART: Tell her she looks pretty.

    BRAIN: I guess I don’t see any harm in that. Conner compliments her all the time.

    HEART: Yeah, that b*****d….

    BRAIN: How can you live with yourself thinking like that? Conner is practically your brother!

    BRIAN: Gabby looks beautiful for the show tonight….

    HEART: Why don’t you just confess your love to her then?

    BRAIN: Are you nuts? As soon as she finds out that you see her that way, she’ll push you away. Remember what she told you freshman year?

    BRIAN: Yeah, Gabby’s boyfriend texted one of her friends with her cell phone, asking them if they wanted to ******** her as a joke. Gabby was so shocked when they agreed.

    BRAIN: Now imagine if Gabby found out if you wanted her.

    HEART: But it’s not like that at all! You loved her with all of your being, even when she was someone else’s girlfriend. This beyond what your body wants -- this is about how much she means to you!

    p***s: It kind of helps that she’s hot, though.


    BRAIN: When the ******** did he get in here?

    HEART: Disgusting animal….

    p***s: Just sayin’. You and Gabby becoming sexually active would be like the final step to ultimate love, or whatever.

    BRAIN: You know Gabby has standards, Brian. Do you really think you can live up to those standards?

    BRIAN: I can’t meet those standards at all.

    HEART: That shouldn’t matter!

    p***s: You shouldn‘t underestimate yourself, kiddo. Besides, so what if she doesn’t like a bush on a man? You can shave it right off!

    BRAIN: I must remind you that it is because of your powerful friendship that you even know about Gabby’s standards in the first place. Are you willing to sacrifice that?

    BRIAN: No!

    HEART: It doesn’t have to be a sacrifice. It could be something better.

    BRAIN: Brian, you have seen what happened to Gabby and her other boyfriends. Do you want to end up down that road?

    HEART: You won’t end up down that road. You and Gabby understand each other. Your chemistry is perfect. You never really fight, you are always laughing in each other’s company, and you both have history! You know how she thinks, you know what makes her mad and what makes her glad! Actually, you both are virtually boyfriend and girlfriend already! Except, you know….

    p***s: You’re not screwing her on the weekends?

    BRAIN: For the last time, shut up.

    HEART: I bet even your friends think that you and Gabby should be in a relationship! Hell, strangers that see you and Gabby together assume that you are in a relationship! Remember Gabby’s neighbor, when he asked you two if you were serious? Remember the man who offered to sell you roses after the Michael Buble concert?

    BRIAN: Oh yeah, the concert….

    HEART: Don’t you think that you and Gabby should have been dancing to that slow song together?

    BRIAN: I really wanted it to be that way….

    p***s: She looked really hot that night too.

    BRAIN: That’s it. I’m going to make my case here, as the only one who makes any sense. Gabby sees you as her brother and best friend. You both have shared many experiences together, but it was always as partners in crime, friends until the very end.

    HEART: But….

    BRAIN: Let me finish. As her brother, you must love her like a sister. Like a sister, understand? You must protect her, you must be there for her, and you must be the best friend that she needs.

    p***s: How about best friends with benefits?

    BRAIN: If I had the power to shut down your reproductive organ when I need to, believe me, I would. Anyway, Brian, I’ll tell you this: unless Gabby decides for herself that you should be more to her than a brother, you can’t tell her anything that is going on in your head right now.

    HEART: But what if she’s waiting for you to make the move?

    BRAIN: She is most certainly not. She is busy trying to work things out with Michael right now, and you know that Michael is the first boyfriend who truly made her happy.

    HEART: I guess what’s most important is making sure Gabby is happy….

    BRAIN: And don’t forget, you and Gabby both want different things in a relationship. You want to have a family, and you know how much Gabby hates kids. She wants to remove her uterus, for crying out loud! Do you see where this can become a conflict?

    BRIAN: You’re right. But still, even if she doesn’t want to be mine, I will always be hers.

    HEART: Ah, how romantic.

    BRAIN: There’s the spirit.

    p***s: Well, that’s no fun.

    BRIAN: Anyway, time to go to Kevin’s!