• The question that had me write this out, " Would you give up a year of your life to have one more day with your late mother or father?"

    The following is my reply, a small look in my past. ♥

    When I was 5 years in 1997 my father died of a sudden heart issues. No one ever told me the real details, because in my family my father is a subject never to be spoken of but by me. Which is because I have only a few memories with him but I don’t know if they are real or just dreams. When I was in the first grade I hid in the brushes after recess I broke down crying. This was my 6th day of school I kept thinking why do they have two parents and I have one, I felt like if I ran home he would be there, ready to pick me up. So after they all went inside I ran home, I made it all the way to my front door knob. When the principal scooped me up in his arms and walk back to the school like that. I only live a good 8 blocks away from school. He told me he saw me running through the windows and took off after me. I didn’t tell him my reason for leaving..I never told anyone in all my yrs of elementary. Frankly with how often I didn’t get picked up when I was little should have told the teachers something..no one ever asked.

    The strangest part of all of this is my mother says I look, act, and walk just like him. Which isn’t a lie other family members have said those things before briefly in mid conversation. My older sibling look just like mom with almost black hair..I’m the black sheep with his red hair so to speak. It’s weird being just like someone and not knowing why? When I was younger I was mad all the time my main thought it was gods curliest joke ever. Now I love it, I understand that his time was short but subconsciously he had a big impacted on me. I believe that my mom aren’t close because I’m a living reminder of the man she lost. Yet I want to be like him, a man that in his life time saved to strangers from a two story burning building without a second thought a few days before I was born. I hope her and I can somehow find common ground to start working on our issues.

    I know that the scares I carry are deep, and painful. Yet oddly enough If I could trade a year of my life to see him again I wouldn’t because I know it wouldn’t be enough it would leave me even more empty. Also I wouldn’t want to life as if he shorted my life. I just hope that one day if I live my life right I’ll make it to him.

    Thanks for letting me share these thoughts that have ever been spoken aloud.