• You asked me if I am depressed. I don’t yet understand what depression is other than something actors act out in the comercials for anti-depressive medicine. Then a few minutes ago when I started crying without reason, the word popped back in my head. Am I depressed? I’ve been crying maybe once a day lately, when such a thing used to be so rare. Sometimes the cause is clearly because im insanely angry, indiscernibly sad and hopeless, or feeling like nothing really matters in life. Sometimes something, anything, can trigger me crying without knowing why and without wanting to stop. But I don’t like being this way. Not that I wish that I could go back to the me you knew before. Because that person was constantly sad which inevitable led to the situation at hand. I think I’ve been in this funk so long because I don’t have any other way to be for the time being. I can’t return to constantly pretending to be happy. So until I figure out what my problem is, I will continue to be silent and cry at 4am.