real me

• Artist: iiMoox4
• Description:
• Date: 11/27/2008
• Tags: real

real me
by nataliegeek



if you love me
then you say i love you
if you care for me
you would see the real me

if you know me
you would know me
if you like me
you would stay by me


if you missed me
you would look for me
if you see me crying
you would laugh at someone else to make me laugh

if you knew me
if you cared for me
if you even loved me
you would know the real me....

Comments

[Klaora]

Capitalization is important. A few of the lines are a little...redundant.
"if you know me
you would know me"
Of course, nothing but common sense. Perhaps re-working that part. As well as the line "you would laugh at some else to make me laugh" it is WAY to long to fit the rest of the poem.
Some punctuation would do some good, too. Otherwise, it's just one run-on sentence.
It has some potential, but you're REALLY going to have to work hard to pull it up to level. Good luck.

[iiMoox4]

thanks chan

[Hitomimi-chan]

T^T That was beautiful 5/5

[iiMoox4]

thanks

[Sir Candy Cane]

sad
sad, but very good