To Die While Living…
To have experienced the feeling of a soul being severed while living is beyond the feeling of death. Some people die satisfied, with their soul still intact; others die with their future endeavors unfulfilled. In cases like mine, I have experienced beyond that of death. Still within a living, breathing, warm-blooded vessel, and then having your spirit, the inner being which allows us to experience love, scorn, and joy, eradicated from our heart. The feeling brings your being into a chilled hole of darkness, and emptiness, leaving your vacant vessel known as a “body” to wander with nothingness. It may cause someone to wish for death, to end the inner torture.
Love and hate. Which one is risky, and which is easier to follow? True love is a one shot thing to grasp. Most people find their so called “love” multiple times. But if it was true, there would be no others. It’s tricky, when you think you have it, it really isn’t there. True love has the potential to twist our souls into everlasting pain; it can destroy you, mend you, or “buff” you. Why take this chance when you can just have hatred, which is much easier to find, and easier to keep. Most of us, who are wandering vessels, rely on hatred. Some of us are just waiting for love, and their yearning for so long eventually rots their soul. Some let love get the best of them, leaving them with a damaged heart. Though some, such as myself, are born with a healthy spirit, but life’s trials eventually overwhelm it.
I am known as an absorber. I can feel the pain of others, and I try to mend it. I think of others before myself. But, I am then given off as a “push-over”, or someone who just allows anything. This has driven me to despise the world, and to hate humanity. My caring, and thoughtfulness of others, has actually made life worse for me. People judge me before knowing a damned thing about me. People are close-minded, and don’t accept the different things in life. I JUST TAKE IN ALL THIS PAIN AND MISERY, ALL THIS MENTAL ABUSE, ALL OF THIS NEGATIVITY, AND WHAT IS THE OUTCOME? MY SOUL HAS BEEN DECAPITATED, SINGED, AND EVEN TORTURED. I have chosen death, but God won’t allow it. And I would not kill myself even after all my thoughts of suicide; I cannot push myself to doing it, because I don’t want to suffer even more in Hell. I know I don’t deserve heaven, I don’t know if I deserve Hell. That is why I just wish to be forgotten form existence, my soul has already evaporated into nothingness, why not just take this empty shell?
The beings around me are factors for this. You selfish, non-understanding, pain-feeding, demons, have driven me into this darkness, which I now embrace. Manipulators, liars, trust-killers, all of these people… I can’t trust, because of the world, I can’t feel because of the world. Life, why have you allowed me to live? I have no purpose. My heart has crumbled, and my soul has been eviscerated. Now take my body. KILL ME. ALLOW ME DEATH.HAPPINESS DOESN’T HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO MEND ME. LOVE DOESN’T HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO MEND ME. I HAVE EXPERIENCED WAY TOO MUCH MENTALLY, AND EMOTIONALLY…JUST PLEASE….FOR MY FINAL WISH…I WISH FOR DEATH...
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