Drowning

• Artist: VincentVonHex
• Description: This is one of my most depressing poems, mostly because it's short and simple and it get's right to the point. Don't get depressed over my poem's, they're not meant to be deressing, they're meant to show you how bad things can be, and make you want to survive those bad times.
• Date: 07/25/2008
• Tags: depressing poem blood death dark

As I drown in this pool of blood
My heart and lungs begin to flood
As a dark light consumes my heart
With everything, I bare to part
My family and friends, they love me so
But as they say, everyone must go
And if I die before I wake
I leave no one my soul to take
So in the ground, here I lie
laying here, about to die.

Comments

[Curry-Crackers]

i love it! ^__^
but seriously...have you ever noticed that the sad poems are the most touching? that the poems about death seem so moving, while the poems about nature and family all seem corny? i noticed that in my poetry/mythology class

[Tsuki Kurai]

wow, thats a really good poem. But it looks bad because its not centered, and verses arent separated… color and size are fun too! ;D

[METRO SKiiES]

I agree with the thing about free verse! Worse, everyone hates my poems just because they rhyme! I really hate it!

Anyways, great poem. A few places where it could be improved. I don't see how "bare" fits in the fourth line, and I think that a shorter word, like "all", would be better in place of "everyone" in the sixth line. Also, I think that "laying" should grammatically be "lying" in the last line.

Other than that, awesome poem, although I think too many people write about death...

[VincentVonHex]

thank you, I see many free verse poems that don't rhyme, and I don't even think of them as poems, I believe a true poem, is one that rhymes

[rock star emma]

excellent!I like the way that u rhyme the words