• My thoughts come in rapid blurs....
    My fingers quiver in excitement as my mind reaches the edge...
    My eyes and every other sense feels keener...
    My legs tense preparing for the tide...
    My voice quakes as my head aches...
    and at this moment I really wonder if...



    IF I AM INSANE!
    IF I AM IN CONTROL OF ME!
    IF I AM HAPPY BEING A FREAK!
    IF I AM SANE!
    IF THIS PARANOIA WILL EVER GO AWAY!
    IF I WILL EVER TAKE OFF MY MASK OF SMILES!


    I'm sorry but I can't digress.
    I need some rest...
    I'll be... ok.
    I'm in no distress.
    You have a point no need to press...
    I am different but that's just fine
    because this life ... is mine

    I feel better now that this is said...
    Now what I need is to find my head...
    Lost in thought...
    Lost in time...
    Gone to the world...
    This life's not mine...
    And that's not fine...

    Judgmental eyes?
    Followed by hateful remarks?
    I feel like I'm swimming in a tank of sharks!
    ******** this place...
    ******** my race...
    ******** you ******** get off my case...

    Its not my fault...
    This is just who I am...
    Don't make me hate...
    Don't make me hate you...
    Don't make me make you hate me..

    I wish I wouldn't do this...
    Dut if I don't get it out there now...
    I never will...

    Don't make me make me hate me...
    I wish I wasn't like this...
    Dut I wish I wouldn't wish that...
    I've cried but now...
    My soul has dried...

    Fake laughs...
    followed by faker smiles...

    Fake smiles...
    Followed by true hate...

    But hates a strong word...
    And the word love isn't stronger...

    My body and soul await to be hone...
    I'll bend and break my bone...s
    Just to make some body smile...
    But why down that mile...

    I not real...
    I'm fake...
    Hiding behind a stupid clique...
    All the cliques can suck my d**k...

    Now this is nice...
    Just like fried rice...
    And not like lice...

    I feel as if I am becoming...
    as If I am becoming better...
    Becoming real...
    Becoming me...
    Is this really my awakening...


    This isn't a cry for attention...
    This doesn't contain suicidal tension...

    This is my petition to myself...
    For the next version of... myself...
    Or better to say the one thats real...

    My mind is now clear as diamonds...
    Myself now feels more like itself...

    I can't say I'll be the same cuz. thats a lie...
    Just because we gotta die...
    Doesn't mean we can't smile when we do...

    Just think no matter whats next...

    It will always be a surprise...
    I know the sun will rise again...
    And all won't be in vain...
    My life will never be a stain...

    Bend me...
    Break me...
    kill me...
    burn me...
    stab me...
    shoot me...
    crush me...
    rush me...
    hate me...

    You will never make me hate you...
    You will never make me change...
    My will is hard as steel...


    My soul is burnt like coals but still...
    my soul is mine...
    and I will dust it off and hold it out...
    I will still go down the...
    the...
    the...
    the path that I have laid...

    My curse...
    My hearse...
    This church...
    This banquet to my demise...
    Now my life they surmise...
    Many long years turned to an essay and played to a slide show...

    But you know...
    Now I dance as the dead...
    I go without dread...
    That coffins not my bed...


    "Requiem to my End"