Deep Down

• Artist: Katrika
• Description: I wrote this to try to just, I dunno, get it all out.
• Date: 11/29/2008
• Tags: deep down

Deep down I am vibrant and brave
I shout out all the things
I really bottle up
I revel in the fact I am different
If you look past the surface
Into my depths
You will see who I am deep down

Deep down I am not afraid of them
Or what they say
The hypocrites
Deep down it doesn’t hurt so much
When they brush me off
Like I don’t matter

Or so I like to pretend

Deep down I am quiet and meek
And bottle it up
Behind a mask
And try to hide the fact I am different
If you look past the surface
Into my depths
You will see I am not always so brave

Deep down I am afraid of them
And the words they say
What hypocrites!
And it hurts so very much
When I am brushed off
Like I don’t matter

So I have three layers
My surface self, who you all see,
The person I would like to be
And deep down, simply….me.

Comments

[kamahaazi]

have you considered writing lyrics?

[Nightprince]

Interesting. I like the consistency of using the line "Deep down." It really keeps the poem firm in its point.

I also like how the degradation of the person goes, where they start off with a very valiant character, but then go down to pure fright. The ending becomes far more effective, with it ending with "simply.... me."

It might be nice to extend a bit with the vocabulary, although the last line nicely makes it forgivable with the mention of "simply."

In total, nice job. Well written.

[Monokuro No Yume]

That really is the truth, isn't it? We have the lies we show to others, the lies we show to ourselves, and who we simply are.
I feel like you say a lot that doesn't necessarily add to the poem, and that if you shortened it the feeling would come out a lot stronger. That's my opinion, however, which doesn't and shouldn't count for much.
I like the idea behind it, it's slightly slow to read however.

[ub2ugly]

I think we're all a bit like that and you've captured the feelings really well.

[chococat154]

It's beautiful. crying
I love it...yet it's so sad...

[The-new-person-lol]

pretty deep and good