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I know now that I am mental, masochistic,
I feel the pain, it's so sadistic,
Wanting to break you,
Just so I can feel something,
Craving your attention,
Running back to the same old religion.
It's not just fantasy, it is a choice,
I have no recognition of your voice,
Stop toying with me,
I hate to see you suffer like this,
Wanting to remain here as I am,
Hurting myself just to see you bleed.
Running around without a purpose,
I'd might as well be dead,
But now you've given life to me,
Debt has to be repaid,
Stinging sorrow that cuts so deep,
The songs play in my head when I weep.
I will never say this just to keep you,
Red is the color, blue is my sin,
Darting back into the past,
So quickly, before you can laugh,
I only wanted to be part of the show,
Poison thoughts through my head, they flow.
I run and I run,
And still I will never find,
The right way through all this mess,
All this time and I am the whore,
I don't want to see you anymore,
Now I'm just not making sense.
No, I am in need of a sign,
Everything that I feel,
Cannot possibly be real,
It's all for this grand illusion that I suffer,
I want to pay for my crimes,
Can you please be a little rougher?
Through the swollen needle I bleed,
A rush, a thrill just to suit my need,
Saviors can die,
Just as I crumble and cry,
I am nobody's hero,
Not even love can save or stop it now.
Nothing is safe,
Finding horror everywhere I turn,
Someday yet our souls should burn,
One day when all hope is gone,
I will disappear,
Worship my absence, as I become nothing.
No matter what the distance,
My heart will remain here shattered,
As I hide within the shadows,
Of this decaying light,
I try so hard to hold on to your presence,
Deep down I admit, I am afraid.
And if I could count all the stars in the sky,
When I was done I would hope to die,
If for no other purpose,
Than to serve you, I am your slave,
But really it's the sweet despair that I crave,
Hurting myself, but I never meant to hurt you.
I only carve these scars into my own memory,
Never ceasing, for even a moment can cost me,
This blood soaked memory lingers on,
I will always carry it in my heart,
This feeling which I cannot describe,
A dark reminder of my twisted past.
And of the love,
That I was so unworthy of,
It grows so lovely,
Only to wither and die, like all things,
In a grand and sinister tapestry,
All of which is done in vain.
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Title:
Mental Masochist
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Artist:
X-Morphine-x-Kisses-X
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Description:
Lately this one has been my favorite. ^_^ It was so uch fun to write, and unlike some of my previous entries I actually spent a LOT of time on this one. I put a lot of thought into it, and I went back and edited it over and over to make sure that each word was perfect! I hope your vote is your honest opinion of it. Thanks.
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Date:
12/27/2008
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Tags:
mental
masochist
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