The ladys pull

• Artist: Roboticyouth
• Description: ....doin it
• Date: 01/28/2009
• Tags: ladys pull

The push and pull
I tremble so
his fingers nimble
down every row
and every column
Of her spine
the deepest fathoms
where we entwine
with bodies wrapped
into another
curve of her back
Desire stuttered
On jagged breaths
Hold you closer
Lost in her depth
From stars to sea
On every breath
your ecstasy

Comments

[Pandora Paradox]

I agree with Kibroth. The short verses have a very nice rhythm and the rhyming doesn't feel forced at ALL. Your vocab is also great.

Only one thing I would say is that you seem to switch between first and third person which makes it sound like you're having a threesome or something 0_o And at the end I think you switch into second.

Other than that, well done and happy writing!

[Kibroth]

Actually rather good.

Suggestions: The rythm (no pun intended) of the poem changes on the 5th to last line, so a space might be called for, or perhaps a combining of line 3ed & 4th to last lines..."stars to the sea"

Great poem. Very descriptive and intense while still remaining romantic.

-K