Crawling

• Artist: Allen-Wolf-Demon
• Description: A poem I wrote when I was depressed... Please tell me what you think
• Date: 02/04/2009
• Tags: crawling

Crawling in the dirt, begging you to stop, I rise to my feet.

I slowly raise my gaze to yours, fire in my eyes.

Surronding me, your evil shadows, trying to keep me down.

I stare at you, keeping our gazes connected.

I finnaly speak, my voice horace and pained.

"I will always love you..."I say, Falling to the ground in pain.

You walk away from me, thinking I'm pathetic for even saying such a thing.

In my heart, all I think of is you.

Comments

[290DarkStars]

powerful! even though there is a lack of rhyme... or meter... I really liked it. It is obvious that you understand your own fault, as in, loving someone who puts you down/beats you up. And I am proud that you took that step. Only if I could have a girl that loved me like that... heh... well... I would give you 10/5 stars if it was in a rhyming stanza format, or had a meter. But 5/5 non the less ^^

[Thy Sin Is Envy]

It's really good brother. <3

[darkwizardcatcher]

i like it! I gave you a 5/5! well written, good job!

[Allen-Wolf-Demon]

Ty for the advice. Please people rate and coment on what you think!

[ToughTofu]

:/ Hmm. To me the title doesn't really seem to match or really grasp the message of the poem.
It's really good though ^^. you could revise it and use..umm how would you say...well like you can take advantage of putting a single statement to emphasize lines.
^^' a few spelling errors here and there.
Maybe you can describe things more like, what did it feel like when you fell to the ground in pain
Well that's just my opinion and i'm not that into poems, but i think it was really good ^^