We were once close, but that has changed recently.
Now i can't even look you in the eye and say something, but at a distance i can't help but stare.
She'll glare at me like i've done something wrong, which i feel i have.
It's not fair of me to stare like that when he's not available.
I'll wake up in the middle of the night with tears running down my cheeks.
I'll smile for my friends, but truly, i wish i could run and hide in the bathroom.
I have to stay happy on the outside, if not, our whole friendship circle could collapse.
I'm the base of the friendship, i hold us together, whether we're fighting or not.
I'm the peacemaker of the group.
I can't break down. For their sake.
Can they see through the fake smile?
I've always been smiling. Since kindergarden, when we all met.
Only my two closets friends know, but the others probably can tell by my actions.
They don't look at me the same. It's more a look of sympathy rather than love.
there are so many meanings, so many types.
But which one's real?
Which one can last forever?
Why can it make you feel so hollow when you give it away on accident?
It's just a word. I shouldn't think too much about it.
But i do anyway.
He's always on my mind. And he's everywhere i go. On coincidence.
I can't even watch TV anymore. any unrequited love story makes me think of him.
He's at school, church, and even band practice.
But i suppose i should enjoy it while it lasts.
He'll be gone next year. Then the only time I'll be seeing him is in my dreams.
I only wish I could sleep forever. Then i can be happy. He'll be with me.
But that will never happen.
He looks at her like she's a goddess. I can see the emotion and love in his eyes.
But with her, she tries to make it appear so.
There's no depth in her eyes when she looks at him.
She's using him.
For what i have no idea, but i hate her.
Or.... is it envy?
The way he holds her waist, the way he looks at her, it's all full of love.
But she doesn't have the same emotion in her face, though she tries to make it look so.
I can't stand it.
It takes every ounce, every grain, of self control to stay in the room.
I don't even know why it kills me so.
My heart flutters when i hear his name, then breaks.
I'm not sure how much farther i can go.
Will i be able to get through the weekend? the week?
I can't be sure.
eventually, I'll snap, and it'll all come crashing down.
I'm trying my best to keep smiling until summer.
If i don't, i don't know what'll happen.
All my friends will fight, then break apart, leaving me to chose who to stay with.
I can't let that happen.
No. I'll keep smiling, even if it kills me.
Which it might.
Never will i let it fall apart.
Never will i snap.
Never will i stop smiling.
Never, never, never.