Night into dawn

• Artist: leona3221
• Description: i wrote it in english. I didn't know what to call it so yea. Any advice is welcome!
• Date: 06/12/2009
• Tags: night into dawn

I close my eyes, calling all of my sights to me
The snow and flowers dancing around me,
The full moon hanging high for all to see.

The thumping sound in my ears,
I realize is the rain
Words whisper to me at night
My lonely lullaby slipping past my lips
A silent sonata of the hollow night

I imagine the places casting an n illusion. The soft covers of my bed,
The burning sensation of tea,
A feeling that doesn’t belong
Cool night air

My thoughts illuminate the road
“Why can’t I do this?”
“Faster, better, more precise!”
Though they do not say it, I know
“You’re not good enough”
Their thoughts linger in my mind.

Memories flash before my eyes
My brother’s faces
Mum, dad, aunt, uncle
Forming and breaking bonds,
All of my senses whirl around me
Like a mirage of feelings

A smile graces my lips
I open my eyes
The light blinds me
Everything around me is the night
And it will all fade away into dawn.

Comments

[amantewords]

The beginning was amazing, It was exceptional really. What threw me off a whole lot was the whole mention of family, and talking to oneself-this very much so threw the mood off and purpose overall. I loved it for the most part which made it sad how it ended because honestly is was bad. I give it up to you for the beginning because as I said It was mint, work on the ending and purpose being made in the poem.

[iinsanely Sane]

Very original, maybe you should keep a syllable count or something, make it have a small rhymth, love it though!