My Life with You

• Artist: xx-Cyril Prince
• Description: I was just bored.. And I used some of my experiences with love in this..
• Date: 06/23/2009
• Tags: life with

My life’s incomplete without you...
My heart’s crying when I’m not seeing you...
My mind’s full of thoughts about you...
My tear falls whenever I see you with another girl...
My eye becomes watery when you’re walking away...
My lip speaks about you when you’re far away...
My body looks out for your return...
My soul flies with you through-out your whole journey...
My pulse stops when you’re crying...
My heart beats slows down when you’re in pain...
My breath’s not lasting when I’m seeing you suffering...
My foot walks on its own just to follow you...
My arm moves on its own just to hold you tight...

Comments

[Kento Yamaguchi]

The concept is in no way original, and this piece includes some lines that could possibly use some improvement (as far as sensory detail goes).
All-in-all, it's decent.
But with a bit more work and good inspiration, you could learn to perfect it.

[lucky marianna]

I like it but I think it would be better to close it with something else like 'I love you' or something... wink
my sis (sweet and cute nataly in gaia) says:
its very touching poem ! i like it a lot! wish i had wrote it ! lol wink