• Black book of Mine

    Opening page

    I am the mind which has opened my self.
    I only warn that all that is written is I only I.

    Page1

    I open my mind to let my thoughts fall out.
    Every memory and all that was me will never stay hidden.
    Lost in sin is all I will ever know!
    Forever growing greener, my Heart is living in earths final grassland.
    I walk and swim while dreaming of the stars.
    Where is the start of the Heavens and where is the end of my living.
    Should i ever say sorry if I am never heard?
    Forgive me earth for I cause you pain.
    Forgive me people for I shall destroy that in which I can not fix, I love and hate, when will life help me do whats right?
    Burn with me, write with me and free me.

    Page 2

    I open my eyes to all that needs to be seen.
    Waiting here for my mirror to show me who I really need to be.
    I know where I am, but who am I to be here in the first place.
    I wrote to let things out, but once I am done writing will I be empty or will i feel lifted?
    I want to yell and scream, not to be heard just to let some of me go.
    I am me, we are we, you are you, they are they, where are we and I am here.
    Every thing should be louder to mute all that we need not hear.
    When I talk no one hears what I want to say, so I say only what people want to hear.
    Glass and mirrors are so beautiful.
    I want more beauty in my life

    Page 3 Me

    What to do when you run out of things.
    Where do I go when all places are closed.
    I never liked country, I am just now understanding why.
    It's hard to understand all I want is to destroy even after all that I have made.
    When we are young all is bought for us.
    I now work for money only to use it badly, why even work then.
    I do not understand why I like being alone when I love being in a group.
    Why don't I care anymore?
    Am I going back to who I used to be?
    Who was that?
    Do I need to be alone?
    Yes I like this and need much more of this.
    Writing is helping me get through this without forgetting what I was thinking
    I am me I am not we, only I am me!

    Page 4 I

    My internal embers unknowingly burn.
    The flames of my soul spread through my veins burning all that was once me.
    Destruction is all I love, it helps me live day by day.
    I envy my embers, my ember adore me flame, my envy is set ablase by me destruction.
    Why can I not hear my own cries?
    Who am I to raise my eyes to meet yours?
    Why are we here and not, wait I see now my error.
    I am not me but I am I.
    I don't understand why but I am I.
    Me was never we, we was never I.
    I am only I and nothing more.
    There is no we, us and I must be I
    I shall never be me again.
    I is I

    Page 5

    Deny me please, don't let me in!
    I fade here as I wait for the cold to freeze all my fears.
    I wait for you, I lie for you, I cry for you and I may one day die for you.
    Who are you to never ask me here?
    Who am I to breath for you?
    This smoke that burns within me helps not my eyes but shares my envy.
    I am, I am not, I will not but I am I.
    My thought become gray as I sit and listen to all that is wind.
    Why must I rise and only see all fall?
    Who i there to pick my songs once all is silence.
    It is cold, it takes me here and helps not I.

    Page 6 12/24/08

    I am here now, not as I was but as I am.
    Never will I be that man that created life from sin.
    Never will I create again for I am not him.
    All I am now is what I bring with me.
    I am here now as I will forever be.
    I am I and will he be he.
    He is gone now and now I will forever be free.
    I shall not die today but time will cry for what I have done.
    I will not die today for I must always live.
    Today shall be written my date of written must.
    I write to let all my thoughts out, I think what should be thought, I am who I must be and will be only I.
    I will burn today, cry today, lie, destroy, write, grow, Live and stay.
    Today is not my day but yours.
    You are you and I is I.

    Page 7

    It's been sometime since we have been here.
    I sit and wonder where I went wrong.
    I've fallen away from you and don't know where I went wrong.
    I feel lost here unknowing where you are.
    Who are you?
    Who am I?
    Do you miss I?
    I write in the day now, afraid of what the night now hides.
    This feeling of fear is new and alien to me.
    Everything now seems that way I write now only to remember later.
    Am I lost again?
    Is this where I was before?
    All these questions that only I must answer.
    Some moons now have gone by since I began this art full pages of my mind and soul.
    I see now the sparks of light I once ignored.
    Burn with me once again my loves.
    Burn

    Page 8

    I am shaking now all over try my hardest not to die.
    This is unlike any feeling ever felt.
    It's not cold of day but fear of living.
    I rattle my soul as I lay here, Wish i may it will not stop.
    I try to get away.
    I have to find a way, I need I am the way!
    I smell greatness in the air.
    I envy this scent of life, it seems to draw me ever so close.
    It seems as if tho I could grasp it in my palm.
    I am I.
    Who is there?
    I many times now seem to lose myself in the thoughts of others.
    Is it wrong of I to feel this?
    There is no ME!!!
    I will always only forever be I!!!

    Page 9

    I feel as that in which I know is changing ever so quickly.
    I am being left behind which leaves me watching all things grow and destroy its self.
    I can not save them for they chose to leave us.
    I sit and wait to watch this life go by.
    We are we and I am I.
    Time goes by as I wait for nothing.
    This time of mine where will you go.
    The drops fall now washing all but I.
    This river in me flows against my eyes.
    Burn with me all that see.
    Flow within me my shallow tone.
    I hear not this river but see its glory, which I understand.
    River of mine run deep and free.
    Time and time will not envy.

    Page 10

    The flow of time is unhindered by me ever movement.
    I don't understand when this will end.
    A war within myself threating to tear me apart.
    Where have you gone?
    Where idi I lose myself?
    Should I turn and leave or must I stay and wait?
    Painfull yet comforting this is .
    I am lost within my own thoughts while awaiting my flame.
    Did I leave you or did you leave me?
    It does not hurt to be without you.
    They come now for us, what shall I tell them happened to you my love?
    Burn with ME!!!
    Memorys of the past poison me deeply without care!
    It is not me , I am I.
    Day and night is sin without worry.
    Day and night I change without you.
    Who were you once with me?
    What am I now without you?
    I sit and wait once more, it now rains and I still wait.

    Page 11

    Time be still I'm begging you not a minute past untill I'm through,
    Time be still I'm begging you.
    Was it not once me you ared for?
    My flame now dwindles with my sarrows.
    This Darkness engolfs me as I die.
    What happens now as all I was is never more?
    Will you care?
    Will anyone care now?
    Wait!
    This darkness I feel isn't death!
    It is not liveing like normal but it is a different way of living.
    I see all that is normal but am not seen by any.
    Why must tis be?
    What now to do?
    Is this even real?
    Wake up!!!
    Wake up!!!
    My mind isn't dead, my soul isn't free and I can not change anything but this.
    I see something, I feel so angry and now I am not alone.
    Burn With ME!!!

    Page 12

    I stand now befor myself this image of a torn and crazed man.
    Is this what I was or will be.
    Speak to me stranger, help me undertand who I am and Get ME Out oF HERE!!
    Burn With ME o fallen one!
    BE not A Shadow of your former self.
    BURN!!!
    I speak not now with a image but with a flame of shadows which are not me.
    This is not HELL!!!
    I am not DEAD!!!
    Once again I wake without knowing how I will live without my mind.
    I write to know myself and read to create a though, but while I think
    All becomes an action and those actions become writen once again.
    How must I live within my pages,
    If life within these pages only destroy what was once living.
    Do I live only to Destroy all that is, Create only to burn and burn only to live this way.

    Page 13

    Time is not a friend now and may only ever hurt me but,
    It is not I who began this war but Time who brought this storm.
    Lights now glow within the skys above all that is as music plays a rapid tune.
    All is now alive and moving as I was never once here.
    This energy flows from the shadows to every mirror here.
    This is not here now but is what began my flame of Destruction.
    I now understand that I am not anything to you.
    I only destroy so I can never be happy with you.
    But you do not need me you only need to live your life.
    As a mind traped within a soul witout any escape but these pages.
    I jump between the ink and sleep within a page to comfort a book,
    So forgotten there is only darkness apon its cover.
    Burn ME Burn With ME and help these flame Destroy Everthing!!!

    Page 14
    I am not here for all to burn, but now I burn what was now lost.
    We are a lost thought once never seen, but at last I know you.
    I wait for you my new light of day.
    I can not see why we are apart.
    Must you walk without me?
    What is this you breath?
    Who am I?
    I am now here as never before.
    Waiting in a place of action, waiting I do not move, I do not go I only wait.
    I am not I anymore but a shadow of this long forgotten happiness.
    We do not write of fire or ice today, but of sitting and being a new.
    Do you know my name?
    It is not I, me not I, it is me here now.
    Sit not Burn, wait not bleed do not go.
    The demon is not happy for us, it wants me.
    Burn it says but I only bring water.