That Girl

• Artist: dooffy360
• Description: i had to change accounts so im transferring my poems. I wrote this one during third period just sitting in my desk with a pen and paper ^-^
• Date: 11/26/2009
• Tags: girl

She is the girl who is never seen.
The girl who is picked last for every team.
She's the girl who's considered smart.
The girl who has the fragile heart.

She's the girl who can cry all night.
And still go to school looking all right.
She's the girl with colored eyes.
That turn lighter when she cries.

She's the girl who's all alone.
Crying for what cannot be shown.
She's that girl
Living in a lonely world.

Comments

[in a pinto forever]

Chill legumes y'got there, brostaff. I like the flow and and the structure; the progression is very nice, although the repetition sort of blunts it a bit. Try to switch up the diction just a bit, and if you feel up to it (this part isn't necessary), one can never have enough practice with syntax and line phrasing.
Example: "the girl who has" COULD be changed to "the girl with"
and suddenly the line has a stronger sense of possession (IMO). That said, 'tis your poem, lol. Don't mind me.

[I Like to Eat Faces]

Everyone at heart is that girl