Only Memories

• Artist: Uekki
• Description: I think I'll be writing a poem about every night, only because it makes me feel better. Anyways, here's last night's poem!
  
  Also, thanks to Jbear the Panda for helping me out. She helped me edit it a lot!
• Date: 03/31/2010
• Tags: only memories

The scars that burn me cannot be taken back.
But truth be told, they're only starting to stack.

I want to rewind, and correct my thoughts
To go back and erase all my foolish naughts.

Regret and hate will forever haunt me.
I should forget about it, I agree

But it's hard to forget and never remember.
Now it is April, and I can still see it in November

Scars will burn and always stay
Only if it wasn't how they really say.

Comments

[Uekki]

Thanks for the tips! I'll go back and edit it.

[L_MTmule]

I'd suggest turning it into two different lines, and moving the last part to the next set and adding another line before or after it to help it fit in. The last two lines are perfect, they bring the whole thing together and deliver a message, even if not intended to. Overall, you did a very good job :3

[L_MTmule]

The same problem is happening between the third and fourth, again at the fault of the latter. If rewritten like this: "To go back and erase all my foolish naughts" it lengthens the second of the two lines to where it sounds much better. the first two lines of the second set sound alright, but it could be done a little different. As for the third and fourth, the fourth is far too long for the third and sounds off when you read it.

[L_MTmule]

The first and second lines don't run together, but mostly at the fault of the second line. If it's rewritten like "But truth be told, they're only starting to stack" it was sound cooler and more balanced.