Forgotten

• Artist: -DaNiGiRl298-
• Description: A slightly dark little poem that I wrote on a whim. I'm not sure if it's good, bad, or somewhere in between. So, I'll leave that up to you to decide. Please comment if you have the time.
• Date: 06/02/2010
• Tags: forgotten death lonely depressed sadness

Come on now and just shoot me dead
I knew all along this was only a one night stand
You no longer quiet these demons inside my head
Nothing could be sweeter than death by your hand

It isn't like you really want me to stay
No one is left that even gives a damn
Why did I decide to give my heart away?
That was never a part of my grand plan

Giving up is always the cowards way out
I guess I am the biggest coward of them all
My head is spinning but it's too late to doubt
Now is my time to go ahead and take the fall

Don't act like you might be sorry when you're not
Cause I will be the worst mistake you ever forgot

Comments

[-DaNiGiRl298-]

I appreciate the constructive criticism, and I must admit this isn't one of my best poems. Maybe one day I'll learn how to get it right. Thank you very much for your input.

[bram toker]

Well, this COULD be an excellent poem. The only issue is that there is no rhythm--it doesn't flow. You wrote this poem with the writer's veil over your eyes, meaning that you thought there was a rhythm when really there wasn't. If you changed a few words or syllables here or there, this would be so much better. Keep writing!