• i dream last night
    a wishful dream
    a dream full of wanting

    that dream was not that special
    it's just open my heart
    and let me convey my feeling

    in the dream
    it's very similar to the reality
    i met with this boy in the class
    he is cute and kind
    and i think i like him.
    he was the first person
    that i have sexual desire to.

    i wonder if he has a girlfriend
    what is his hobbies
    what did he do
    and my heart keep beating when
    i'm with him

    we sit next to each other in class
    i notice he did not have a ring in his finger
    and i want to ask him out
    when the class has finished
    or thing will get awkward.

    this might lead to the dream
    inside the dream
    i seen him giving me an airpod
    i don't know what happen so i gave it back to him
    he looks hurt but didn't say anything
    later in the days
    i heard people are saying that
    it was the class culture to give a airpod to the person they like
    i was shock and devastated
    i want to return to time
    but i could no longer seen him

    later, i was going home with my cousin and her boyfriend
    i just noticed how lonely i am and is jealous of her
    i couldn't speak
    then i saw my crush
    sitting in a hammock
    i came and ask him
    "can i sit with you?"
    he just ignore me
    i had to explain
    that i did not know the tradition
    that i really like him from the moment we met.
    that i wonder if he has a girlfriend because he is so cool

    he let me sit with him
    i tried and hug him
    i ask him
    " do you have a girlfriend?"
    ironically, he did not answer.
    that moment what had happened in the real world has
    cross with my fantasy
    i knew deep inside me i want his answer to be no
    but in reality i don't know
    i think that being honest is the personality that i have always wanted
    i don't want to lied or him to "lied"
    so the answer was never come from his lips
    i ignore it and move on with the story
    i kiss him
    tell him how much i like him
    and want to be with him,
    how we can live and married each other
    though i was worried if the conversation was too much
    just after we confess our feeling

    and well
    that's it
    the ending was abrupt
    but that's all i know
    because i woke up
    after making all of that up