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I would like to say... it's been one hell of a month. Just one month and... so many things have happened that, ot me, it still feels like a sort of rollercoaster...

but not a very happy one at that... and, at some points in it, I wanted to bail out. In this month alone I've managed to find the one person whom... if I had the ability and resources to go and find her, I would. In this process, the price I guess I had to pay was 3 things. One was to stop talking to a certain someone due to certain issues that i don't want to address to that certain someone because i know that person will blow up on me and won't hear them out... but at the same time, this person can't acknowledge what we have grown too distant. And in that same context, forgot certain things about me... and made me see some things in said person that I didn't find appealing in this person as well...

Two was how I felt that the more I managed to help this person whom I care for alot... her friend was slipping away from us both faster than either of us could do for her. I felt as if, I was the reason she was spiraling out of control, while my dear was striving and succeeding one step at a time.

Three was possibly the hardest blow... I managed to hurt a person while I thought i was protecting him/her... I know it hurt me to find out how this person blew up on me when something we had been planning out for some weeks now wasn't what they expected, but I didn't want this person to risk their sanity and well-being due to a selfish act that i had asked of them in the first place... and that this act put this person striaght into the fire. I wasn't gonna allow that. i wouldn't. I cared for this person alot. I love this person to pieces.... and this person is one of the few I can consider a friend regardless of how distant we have become... Tonight I found out that... although I had hurt a bit from what had happened between the 7th and 8th of may... dates that should have been happy for everyone that I knew, asides from myself... I had managed to hurt this person beyond belief...

I know there are no words i can convey at this moment... in fact, I feel I failed at everything I strived to make for those around me as well as those who know me by name only...

All I wish is... for this person to do their best at whatever they may do in life from now on... and although I might have hurt them deeply, and feel that they may dislike me greatly, I would like to tell them now... I don't feel that way. I actually feel greatful to have met you. Those words i have written in the past entries aren't just a bunch of b.s. I made to feel you better. I know I hurt you... possibly hurt you in ways I swore I'd never do to you, but did in the end without even realizing it. And for that, and so much more... I am sorry.

In the end... as for me and this person who is a very special part of me now and always... we have both been through tough situations in the past month...as well as in our respective pasts... and even during this month we had together... Ally... know this. Even with these things I had to pay and give up to be with you... in the end, I would do it again. I would try to make sure not to hurt those I already did in this process as it already happened... but at the same time, if I had to give up this much and hurt like i have due to these blows I have recieved, to be with you now... I would do it again.