This is just to complete my void of depression that I had posted on a thread.
I'm actually feeling quite depressed at the moment.
But then again, I'm always depressed...
I just know there's no escape from this... feeling.
I just hate it.
I can't bear to look at... I just can't bear to even try...
It just...
I feel like screaming out my pain
But it comes from the inside...
I probably sound like some random emo trying to attract attention right?
I sound like I want someone to pity me right?
I sound really pathetic and all right?
Well I'm not trying to. I don't need people to 'pity' me and I'm pathetic.
D;
BLERGH!
Really... It hurts so much.
It was all just a lie.
I can't bear to face her.
You know, I don't care what others think any more.
I don't care if they think I'm ugly
I don't care if they think I'm stupid
I don't care if I'm annoying, bitchy, self-centred, stubborn etc.
I just don't care!
But I do.
I have to.
It just pains me...
It's just I feel like nobody understands me.
Sure, I have stuff happen to me that other people have experienced
But what I feel...
It's all just turmoil
Sometimes I just wonder, what the point of life is.
Christians might say, to prepare for heaven.
That's nice.
But for me, it's just live, suffer, then die.
Oh I don't know,
Maybe I'm too demanding
Maybe I expect to much...
I trust them
And BAM.
They hurt me
That is,
They don't know they hurt my feelings.
___________
Some people are just so weird.
1st example.
Her: Hey Dude!
Me: What?
Her: Geez. Whats with you?
Me: Huh? What?
Her: When I say hi you don't say 'What?'
Me: And when I say something you don't go '>>;'
Her: Thats cuz you were being retarded and giving answers that I didn't need
Like wtf?
If someone goes Hey Dude! I would go What?
Instinctively.
And it's already s**t how I say something and she just goes >>"
Sheesh.
Sorry for the long post. I'm not happy.
But then again. Nobody's going to read this.
-sigh-
I just feel argh.
I don't know what's with her.
Does she hate me or something?
>>;
What's with her and dissing whatever I like and whatever I respect?
I just hate it.
And on msn, when this particular person goes online, she goes
"Look, your mock is online."
[Inside thing]
But still. My?
Seriously. Since when was she 'mine?'
Gawd.
So I told her I didn't like it and told her not to say it anymore and she's like
'Whatever'
And I'm like WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM!?
And of course, She's one of my 'friends'
And surprisingly no, I don't hate her.
At least, I currently don't feel any hatred towards her. oO;
And no, I'm not totally against her.
Another example.
I feel like talking to this particular person.
But... she's.....
Hard to access I suppose?
Friends with everyone, cool, good looking, etc...
... and in her own little world.
Well, I'm in my own little world as well... but...
Well, it's just that I want to talk to that person
She really means a lot to me and I care for her muchly.
But I'm not sure how to express my care for her...
And anyways.
Her- girl with a thousand friends
Me- girl with a thousand enemies...
How do we get along?
How do we be friends?
Sometimes I cry over this at night.
Yeah. Stupid of me, I know.
This must sound like I'm pathetic huh?
Loser little Eva pathetic, crying over little things...
Well. To me. They're not little things...
Nobody has to read it.
View User's Journal
-Tis Sparrow-
 |
