Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I am new, I am fresh.
So you know what? I'm forgetting how I feel, and remembering what I deserve.
I'm happy to think that youth really is on my side. I'm only 14, love is just something I'll experiment with now. I have my whole entire life to experince and really understand what love really all is about. So for now, I'm just going to grow around all that I've been through and try to have some fun with my life.
Just because someone stops loving you, doesn't mean that they never did. You can't put a timeframe on the heart, and I can be one to relate to that. I feel like such a fool to try and think how heartless that was of him to move on so quickly, when I have once been in that position back when I liked Comet. I still liked him when I started to like Sun then I just forgot about Comet because Sun was what I really wanted.

So if Sun wants to love another, I'm done. I can't expect him to not love another just because it didn't work out between us. I don't want him to live through misery? Defiantly not! I want and wish for his happiness. And he is old enough now to pretty much make all of his life decisions, or atleast start planning them. So there, I'm letting him go. I've come to realise, well from the help of someone very close to me that the reason why I really did still hang on, was because he promised he wouldn't let go. He told me that one day it would be perfect. So what do you expect from me? I believed his words and decided I would wait. Haha, I can't believe I actually put that into thought when he is now with someone else.
Maybe something might happen? I don't know. I believe he is worth that but for now, I'm forgetting how I feel and remembering what I deserve. I know I've already said that quote but its very strong and whats helped me just live.

And just because I'm yes, forgetting how I feel, doesn't mean I'm forgetting what I felt back then and what happened between us. Just because I'm getting over you doesn't mean I don't love you. I always will but I'm wanting to enjoy my life without living in misery. I wont ever forget all that we had and shared. From our first words, to our last. From the first time we met and the last time you held me in your arms. The last time our lips touched, the last time our bodies were pressed. You taught me how to live. You told me I saved you. Its also the truth, you saved me. It was with you I felt alive and now I continue to do so. I'm happy for you. I'm happy for her. Although I'll never truly be happy with the decisions made, you will and that's what will make up for what I feel.

I'm forgetting love for now.
That doesn't mean that I wont ever love again. Although I once felt that was the case, you sure showed me that that was not possible. Its just my choice right now not to fall in love and just give it a break for now. Although I don't think I will ever actually fall. in. love. I just don't want to feel for anyone else for a little bit.
I'm changing my view on life for this reason.. I'm going to help out others more and show them what life is all about. I want to keep my friends happy and do whatever they need for them. Just from giving them advise, hanging out with them more, shouting them food xD and pretty much showing that they are appericated, that's what I want to work on. And I just want them to not live life in the perspective I used too. For them not to sink into themselves and the depths of life when things do not go according to plan. Life is not a book. Its not written you have to write it yourself. You chose how you want it to be set out and what it contains. We say, "everything happens for a reason". I'm saying "control your own fate." Meaning, don't just think things will fall into place alone. You have to help things work. That's what I tried to do with Sun. Yes, it didn't work. But thats just it, I tried and there. I had a go, and I'm glad and happy with what happened. Now I'm onto the next chapter.

So life, here I am.
I'm standing alone, but I've never felt more alive.
I believe in love. It's real. I'm never going to doubt just what it can do because I know its powerful. I don't want to find it though.. it can find me. So that I know that it will again be real.