Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

How can so much happen at much at one, innocent sleepover?
So first you find out frightning, life scaring memories from one of my best friends relatives past. Then you find out something exaclty the same but even with one of my best friends. Its hard to think that someone so close and dear to me has had to have the pain of suffering through that. But to our advantage her memory of that might be very poor.. but with events happening now are starting to scare me to think that they might be brought up in her mind again.
For all we know she could be having nightmares about it every night, but thats not something we want to put into definition.

You find out that another one of your best friends might is the reason for why she is so scared and frightened when she is so innocent and so weak; with no power to control what goes on around her. But its so hard to think that one of my best friends could have such a mind like this, after feeling like she is the only one I can talk to about something..
I can trust her with so much but the other thing thats going on is starting to scare me; for her sake.
I can't talk to her about that.. But I can about him..

And then there is her..
I love her so much but I'm scared of hurting her but she keeps pushing..
I don't ever want to see her sad but thats what I constantly get with everything.
She needs to understand that things I play along with others aren't real, I just have a lot of other friends and thats just what I do for fun, and only fun..
She loves him aswell and I understand that but I don't want her to hate me for it..
He told me he had feelings for me even before I knew she even knew him..

Then there is one of my other best friends; he thinks he has it hard when someone loves him so much, and he makes me feel guilty for not being able to spend time with him for he and his first thoughts are the reason for why we can't hang out. I love him so much, he is my best friend but he I don't think he realises whats happening outside his world. That other people are going through much worse; I don't know all of his situations because he wont even open up to me. Thats the thing; then he makes me feel bad for not knowing whats going on.
I used to be so close to him. But ever since I fell in love with Sun; he has just moved away because he didn't agree with it. Him, of all people didn't agree with it.


There is only one person I want to talk to about all of this..
Him.
But he is so far away.. I need to talk to someone..
He says he misses home..
But he is with the one he loves and that he is finding lifes questions starting to itch at his skin.
I'll do whatever it is, sacrifice whatever has to be let go of for him to have happiness. I've already done most of that but I'm scared for him its not fulfilling him enough..
I want for him to be happy..
There is no one I will ever love more than him.
I think I finally accept that he is with her now. Everything is okay.
But that still doesn't effect the way I feel about him..
He promised one day..
Even though he has broken a lot of promises before, I trust him with everything I've got..
He did fulfill a lot of promises before so I can't let some bad, yet major experinces make me jump to a conclusion.