Ok so lately... I've been trying to change myself. I really really don't want to be so negative anymore. I don't want people to think of someone quiet and upsetting when they think of me. When people think of me, I want them to smile and think about how great I am. I want a new personality. Right now, my personality isn't very attractive.
I want to have the confidence to be social and make friends. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing myself onto someone to be their friend. I want know how to be friendly without being akward or creepy. I wish it was as natural for me as it is for other people.
There are things I've been changing on the outside that I'm really hoping will affect my insides.
I'm going to try to wear clothes that I look good in and feel comfortable in.
I want to change my room around a little so it's not so depressing and closed up.
I want to change up my routine and get out more.
I want to be able to tell myself I can do whatever I put my mind to and nothing can stop me.
Hopefully doing things like that will get me closer to who I want to be as a person.
It's really hard to try and change all by youself. I want someone to tell me I can do it... I wish that when I tried talking to my friend that she'd actually reply rather than ignore me and never return my messages. That kind of thing makes me feel like I'm not worth the time. Not even worth the time to tell me "******** you. I don't want you in my life so stop texting me." You can at least tell me that much, can't you? If it's not to much of a hassle.
Every time I feel like I want a change, there's always something telling me that I shouldn't bother. Like there will always be that tinge of negativity keeping me from being a likable person.... Why did all my friends have to up and leave me? Why does this ALWAYS happen?? I need a friend so bad right now. No one has the time.
That's what happens. Everyone leaves. Gets new lives. BETTER lives. And no one stays in touch like they say they will.
This journal was supposed to be positive like some stupid new beginning [hence the orange] but that didn't happen.
Hopefully I'll get there one of these days. I don't know how but I can at least hope that I get there.
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Stuff from my heeead..
Here's where I'll be taking things that come into my head and putting them in words on this here site for people to see.
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Since this jjournal is old, I've already seen a change in you. Good job Manda! I wuvs you muchly! Thank you for the Muchness Diploma!