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There was a very well-meaning voiced concern to me about the cost of my starting to play electric guitar. Therefore, I have been looking around for my choices at lower prices from good vendors. Turns out, Guitar Center (my local one) has the guitar I want for $130 FOR NO REASON. That's $149 off : D Shopping around for amps. I am conflicted because I want a good brand with a good, clean sound but I should not spend more than $200 on one. I am also wary of used because who knows how many damn times the previous person dropped that amp. I really want the cream Vox one that a nice person showed me, because it perfectly matches the guitar I want (I'm such a girl) but it also has really nice sound and is small enough for me to carry around my home. I found a cream Marshall but that's...$1600... I hear Marshalls are top of the line, but maybe I can splurge on one when I get a bit better at playing XD I'm the beginnerest beginner beginner. I did play a little bit on an acoustic, but that was an incredibly long time ago (like 4 or 5 years ago?). And it was so big that I could barely reach over it.

It was also brought to my attention that even if I start to play the guitar, it will never replace the voice I lost. I know my true passion is singing. I know playing the guitar won't replace that. I just need to express myself musically somehow. I will die if I can't express myself musically. However, I will not sacrifice my home for music. I know a man who traveled the streets of this city with his big old acoustic guitar, playing for spare change and protecting his guitar like it was his baby. I don't want to be like him, because he lived a very hard life before he finally got a nice apartment. But even though he was homeless and struggling every day to stay in a shelter for the night, he was still in bliss because he had his guitar and for him that was all he needed. When I was homeless I had my voice and I would sing to myself when I found myself alone in the shelter dormitory room. I had no other music but for my voice. ): I will miss my voice, but perhaps a guitar can be my new voice. It won't replace my voice. It perhaps can just be a new voice, a new life. Part 2 of my musical book, perhaps.

What happened to my voice? Well, for those who do not know, I have had a horrible cough since Christmas. It is the sort of cough where my chest gets tighter and tighter and then I cough so hard that tears roll down my face, I almost vomit, and I want to die. This cough occurs about every ten minutes, and whenever I try to sing. It tears up my throat. I went to the doctor twice about it. She's trying so hard to cure me, but its caused by asthma and asthma is a tricky, tricky thing. She said it may never go away and that she's very sorry. She's putting me on a daily inhaler and we're hoping it works, but nothing works 100%. I am hoping I find a miracle cure.

Either way, learning guitar will expand my musical world. I already have expanded my musical world with the classical flute and other types of flute. I know the basics for violin because I learned a little as a child.

I am trying my best to look at the bright sides and not become depressed. I'm trying not to wallow in sorrow about it all. There's too many things to cry about. There's not enough things to grab on to and hold on to and to see hope in. I'll try my best.