So it goes that we never live up to the goals that we set.
So we know that the more we get done, well, the harder it gets.
I don't know who I'm fighting against, but whoever it is, they're winning. Today is registration day, except that I'm not allowed to register. There's a hold on my account because last month's payment wasn't made, and next month is almost due, and the total balance we've been paying towards is less than what we actually owe. So, I can't register for my classes until it's paid off. I don't know how much we owe, but it's well over two thousand dollars. It's well more than we can afford to pay right now.
When I went to the business office to try and sort it out, and found out about all of this, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I still don't feel right, like I'm having an out-of-body experience, but with a lot of crying.
I can't stand this-I love this school. I truly, truly love it here. But as things are, by the end of the day it won't matter if I can afford it or not, I the classes I need to take next semester won't be available anymore. I just can't breathe.
I know I should call my mom and tell her, but it wouldn't matter if I did. She's doing volunteer work at the Bellsouth Golf Tournament this week, and she wouldn't be able to do anything about all this until later this week anyway, so why spoil her fun and hang this over her head?
The spiteful part of me wants to so badly though. I told her last week that there was a hold on my account, and that I had to have it cleared up before I could register, and she told me she was going to take care of it. I called her last night to double check when I found out she hadn't done anything about it. I guess I went into denial about it, because I honestly didn't think about it again this morning when I went to the BO myself to see what the situation was, exactly. Now I know I'm screwed, utterly and completely. I'm not really mad at her, not as mad as I should or could be anyway. I just feel do thoroughly defeated right now, I don't know what to do.
This is certainly a down from last week, when I found out I had made the Dean's List, and two A papers, and an A test, and thought all was going to be well. This is certainly a down from cleaning out my room and finding the photo album all the girls on my yearbook staff gave me last year with all their little pieces of advice and praises and love. This is just so far down I really don't know what else to do except regurgitate my misery over and over again in my head. I can't even read Sherlock Holmes right now. Do you know how ******** I have to be that I can't read Sherlock Holmes? Pretty damn ********. I mean really, really, uber ********.
Thanks mom, no really, I know you tried.
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