No big dramas right now. All I can say is that life right now is just...ok. I was thinking about that last night. I don't feel uncomfortable in either home, I haven't been too completely overwhelmed by my school work, and while I do feel sick whenever I see Ron around school, it's not for the reason in earlier posts. I think he really does make me physically ill... I mean, yeah I still cry maybe a few tears when I sit and think really hard about all the s**t that happened and maybe it does still sting a little when I think about how he wouldn't even care if I dropped dead in front of him, but I think I'm pretty much over him. I know I talk about him alot-he shows up at least once in just about every journal entry- but there are a few good reasons for that.
First reason is that this is my place to put things I think about or to tell my friends what goes on in my head. Usually I think about things that bother me and since Ron is the most bothersome thing in my life right now, he ends up in here alot. The second reason would be that he was the only person I saw or spoke to (practically the only person) for eight months. That is a very long time. Most of my most recent memories come from the time I was with him and I went everywhere with him, so he is constantly somewhere around me (as much as I hate it). ninja Even on the side of my boot...among other places... sweatdrop
Anyway, onto better things. I'm thinking about getting back into the relationship thing. I'm just afraid of who I might hurt if I do. Really, it's still in the airif I really want to or not. I like being cuddled and all, but I can be cuddled when I'm not going out with someone. Hell, if I really needed it, I know a couple guys who would do more than cuddle if I just asked. I'm not like that though. The reason I've been thinking about it is that I've realized just how hard it is to suddenly stop with relationships. I have a friend who I thought I was only mildly interested in, but then when I was talking to him one day some girl interrupted us and started talking to him and it was like a giant jealousy bomb just exploded in my head. I swear it felt like I was gonna tear her head off at any moment. My problem however, is that there is more than one....probably even more than two.... guys I do this around. Oh well. I'll figure it out.
Let's see....random thought. When I was way into Digimon, like obsessively, I swore that if Myotismon ever by some freak accident became real, id help him destroy the world any way I could. The same still probably holds, but Im not obsessed anymore. Anyway, I was thinking about that, and I've decided that if I did I would ask him for one thing, other than letting my friends and family not die, and that would be to give me every rapist in the world to me to do with as I pleased. I would SO torture the living ******** out of them. A few of my ideas:
1. Give one of them tons of paper cuts all over their body, especially you-know-where then force them to clean all the salt from the ocean. Then watch and giggle as they scream and burn in the salty water.
2. Drop and ice-cube in the middle of the ocean and set one loose in the water, telling him he can only come back to shallow water when he swims to it with the ice cube (not melted, mind you) in his hand. All the while he is earching for it, he will have a blood bag strapped to his back and it will have a small puncture in it, so it slowly drips blood into the water attracting every shark who is close enough to smell it.
3. Force one to vacuum all of the sand from the Sahara Desert with no sunblock, promising a glass of water to them when they finish. Sit in the shad with a jug of water while watching them, making sure they get to see you.
4. For a couple male rapists, make them stand naked, covered in scented oils, and dressed in kinky leather whilst bent over and blinfolded in the middle of a gay baseball teams locker. Run and cover your eyes.
That's only a few. I hate rapists. ALOT. Before you go and say "OH EMM GEE! UR A SIK BASTURD!!!1!!11!!" Think for a second. Have you ever seen a picture of what they do to the people after they have ******** them against their will?? I have. And it isn't lovely. So, unless you are a rapist or you support rapists, then shut the hell up. In that case, why dont you do me a little favor and answer a question for me? Go chug some gasoline down and write how much. I want to see how much a person can drink before they die.
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My brain makes words.
If I need to talk but have no one to talk to or I feel I need to write through my problems, it goes here. I do not use names. If I do, it's because I either have no respect for the person, or I accidentally slipped.
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