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new poem! pass couple of days have just been ....weird for me, seriously headin for a breakdown, soooo of course this is perfect for poems so I wrote one 2 nights ago. goes to the tune of 'Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap. download the song and I'm sure you'll feel this poem more. Is This What It Seems? by Crissy K Hear me weep. I'm not well, I'm slowly gone. Find me so lonely. Sins rerun and form drops of tears; I can't forget. Thinking dealing. Skinned alive through pain, Can't shut my eyes, This can't be happening. When dizzy sheets caress multiple Unfaithful lies, that I believed. Cries and screams. Rain falls, no one would see All those tears. Is this my curse? Oil paintings here on walls, They cover forgotten marks of sores. The feign of some normalicy, why does this fear survive? Cries and screams. Rain falls, no one would see All those tears. Is this my curse? Hmm, what'd ya taint? Hmm, did you only meant well? Can't believe you did Hmm, what'd she gain? Hmm, is this all just a test? Of course it is Hmm, dare I pray? Hmm, just when did we agree You'll deny this? Hmm, what'd you break? It's me that you break Damn her dry lips sinking to your mouth. Did my stalk give truth to all my doubts? Weak and squealing child, I don't believe you. Rip my life to bits and don't care a bit. Can you tell me when our life went south? Did you think just what they'd think about? Speak no, tell me no, I don't believe you. God don't admit you don't care a bit. Oh no, you don't care a bit. Oh god, why'd it come to this? Oh no, you don't care a bit. You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

Posted by: ace_smith Tue May 09, 2006 @ 12:06pm

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Zaruke
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Commented on: Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 11:00pm


	What's your inspiration for these? I would really like to know. Still you need to capitalize some things but, very well written. I liked the ... skinned alive through pain can't shut my eyes this can't be happening when dizzy sheets caress multiple unfaithful lies, that I believed part the most for some reason. Good job! thumbs up

Commented on: Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 11:03pm


	commenting backwards I'm definately seeing improvement as you progress. I really like the theme here, but some of the phrasing feels a bit odd and, I dunno, forced. Its seems like what you're trying to say could be said better, but since you're writing to established music, you're limited. I'd love to see you re-write this to your own music and rythmn.

Cryllia
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Yggdrasil Pie
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Commented on: Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 11:04pm


	Oh owch, this poem's pretty depressing. It actually made me feel pretty...sad while reading it. So, Kudo's on invoking my feelings like that. XD

Commented on: Sat Aug 19, 2006 @ 08:42pm


	Is This What It Seems? is definitely a skillfully descriptive glimpse into the realm of infidelity and its aftermath. I love the overt honesty, used to depict the person's suffering, that comes forth when talking about subjects of secrets, lies, and deception. It implements a nice hint of irony. I can picture so clearly not only the shame and idiocy felt for believing the lies, but also the scorn for having to endure both a betrayal of trust and love added on top of the colossal massacre of relationship that was thought to be sacred. When I read this it totally makes me think of the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." The only minor thing that irks me just a tad bit is that organization seems slightly off-kilter in a few areas. I see some places where a comma should perhaps be placed and maybe an insignificant spelling error here or there like "normalicy" should be "normalcy". Plus, capitalization is a minor error that could be fixed; basically just a few changes for clarity's concern, but I think poetry should be more about dwelling on the emotion and the meaning than the technical portions, so I'm not going to nitpick about that. Overall, splendid job. It would be awesome if you wrote a follow-up poem to this where the narrator gets some sort of revenge on the traitorous lover.

Elsewise
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