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Well, it's 3:04 AM right now, and since I have nothing better to do, I shall right about my day today....well...yesterday. ._.;;
Okay, It's around 4:00 and I'm waiting with my dad in the waiting room at the place where my therapist worked. Like usual, she opened the door and waited for me to get up and walk with her to her office since that door in the waiting room only lead to a halway with indeed more doors. She was wearing a black shirt and velvet like jacket with a long white skirt which kind of made her remind me of a nun, but I didn't tell her.
Once we got to her office, I sat down in one of the three chairs by the small table with a jar of jellybeans in the center of it. I turned the decently comfy chair towards her where she sat in her desk chair, you know, those nice rolly-spinny computer chairs?
The conversation wasn't really interesting or fun as the session was last week. We talked about my sister and how we don't get along that well and how I use to bite and scratch her when she'd tease me out of my lack of control, being at the ages of 4, 5, and 6 of course. How I also would physically punish myself when I felt bad for hurting my sister, such as cut my nail until they bleed. And then we go into conversation about my mom and I's relationship, which hasn't been that great until recently. She kept thinking when we had a fight that I've been trying to make her look like the bad guy like I did in the past when no one was around to blame when really it was her setting me off and me just getting all the anger out into the open.
Then we went into the talk about the whole suicide thing that my friends and I know of oh too well. How it all started and all. And then she asked me about the suicidal thoughts I had in early July and a week or so before because of my frustration with my mom and the docters and that ******** summer school. I was pretty upset because I had a goodbye note and everything ready incase I ever really DID get overwelmed to do it, but I didn't have any plans on it happening. Bu that's over and done with, so we didn't spend too much time on the subject.
We talked about the hospital day program and about how the a lot of the patients there got annoyed with me because of my lack of wanting to get better and being too closed minded. I didn't like it there a lot because of the fact that it was like school in a sence. At lunch, everyone talked to someone while I just sat there. It's a very lonely feeling. (Mind you, this was when I was there for about 4 weeks, so I didn't get to meet the people who talked to me until my 5th or 6th week in the program.) They were all older than me, so that was a bit difficult. I mean, I love being with people older than me because I feel better around them, but I just didn't feel apart of the group when everyone had free time after lunch in the day room. Sure, I play a couple games of foos(sp?) ball with them, but that's really it. I was never happy when I did. I usually spent the free time sitting in one of the rolly blue chairs that were in there(xD THOSE WERE THE BEST! THEY WERE LIKE ROLLABLE LAZY BOYS!) by myself or play on the piano. It was fun though, watching the people around me talk about this and that and do funny things that made me laugh at loud. The therapist asked me if I got anything from the program and I told her I didn't. All it gave me was a few laughs and a head full of frustration.
Soon, our session came to an end. I said goobye and walked out to tell my dad it was time to go and we left.
:/ And that's the most exciting thing I did all day. It's 3:53 AM and I'm still not tired. It must be this damn computer. I'm done with this journal entry.
With Love, Heather
Sunshine Heather · Wed Aug 02, 2006 @ 09:57am · 0 Comments |
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